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In this solo episode, Kurt talks about how to transform the culture in elders quorum and the entire ward by focusing on the heart of the men.
Links
Research about men and suicide
Is Elders Quorum Working?
Warrior Heart Retreats
Cwic Show: The Problem with Men and Masculinity in the Church – feat. Kurt Francom
Thoughtful Faith: Are We as a Church Failing Men? (With Kurt Francom)
When the Bishop is Too Nice | An Interview with Dr. Robert Glover
How I Lead with Priesthood Blessings | An Interview With Mike Novakovich
One Couple’s Journey Through Sexual Addiction | An Interview with Chris & Autumn Bennett
Former Bishop, Recovering Addict | An Interview with Evan Hathaway
Wild at Heart
Waking the Dead: The Secret to a Heart Fully Alive
No More Mr. Nice Guy
The Alter Ego Effect
The Heart of Man (streaming)
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Highlights
2:40 Introduction to the episode’s topic: men at church
7:15 If we could crack the code with men to help them and strengthen them so that they can strengthen their own families. Turning to porn and other things for coping.
9:30 The media and social platforms attack masculinity and call it toxic. What does healthy masculinity look like? Does society know what to do with men? Does the Church know what to do with men?
11:50 When we unknowingly send the wrong message at church. Men hiding behind the perfect ironed suit and the huge smile. Unfortunately someone in the elders quorum is the most at risk of suicide.
14:00 How can we help men find brotherhood and connection at church? Kurt makes suggestions on things we can do. We need to offer more for men after they age out of Young Single Adult and mission programs.
17:20 If you want to fix the youth then walk down the hall and fix the elders quorum. Think of the impact that the elders quorum can have on the youth and their own children.
19:00 The nice guy vs. masculine man. Kurt dives into toxic masculinity and passive masculinity.
24:00 What does healthy masculinity look like?
27:45 What does the Church attempt to offer men? These are things that are offered on paper and with good intentions but sometimes seem more like assignments.
- Saving ordinances
- Spiritual development
- Community and brotherhood
- Service opportunities
- Leadership opportunities
32:15 What do men need from the church? What do they need from their quorum? While it’s important to remind them of their duty and responsibility you have to start with a foundation. You have to start with heart.
34:00 There is no laziness in elders quorum, just a lack of fulfillment. How to help men turn back to their heart instead of duty.
39:50 According to author John Eldridge, every man has 3 core desires:
- A battle to fight
- An adventure to live
- A beauty to love
43:40 How to stimulate brotherhood
- We need to provide mentorship
- Pray together and for each other
- Invite people to share their story or share your own
- Offer men adventure. Organize activities for men to get out
50:00 Kurt shares resources: books, events, podcast talks
54:00 How has ministering to men made you a better follower of Jesus Christ?
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Thank you. This topic has been on my mind for months now. I am recognizing that there is a common theme starting to break through the silly and “Fail” clips in social media: the theme of men’s mental health. I get emotional when I consider the men in my Quorum and the struggles they communicate, but more so the struggles they don’t communicate. With all that we learn within the church about our identity: we are a child of God, we are men of the Priesthood, we are children of mighty pioneers, etc. etc. etc.; we are not immune to the struggles of the world. We still have jobs where we are undervalued, we have marriages where the family comes first at the expense of everything else, we have a spouse who is so focused on her children that we are an afterthought (and we are only a thought because we force our way into her mind).
Thank you for being the guy who supports men. Thank you for sharing what you have learned and your willingness to continue to strengthen the men near you. I intend on following your example: as as EQP and after. I have a lot of studying to do. Thank you for the recommendations on the books and other podcast episodes.
I know our Father loves His sons. This is a gift given to me to know this. He loves His sons. We all know He loves His daughters. He also loves His sons. I love my Quorum. I hope that I will have the opportunity to help them feel His love too, and to help them love one another. It starts with the heart, then duty.
Thank you.
This is a really excellent podcast on a topic almost never discussed. I have had discussions with the Elders Quorum president on doing something more than a party to unify the quorum. This podcast provides some good insight. It will be shared with the EQ president, bishopric counselors, and YM leaders. Thank you.