Tony Overbay is a marriage and family therapist, author, speaker and podcast host. He began his career in the high tech world but felt the call to become a therapist and help men. For the past 14 years, he has been a licensed marriage and family therapist with a practice in Roseville, California. While Tony grew up in Utah, he is an adult convert to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He has been married 28 years, is a father of four, an ultra-marathoner, host of the Virtual Couch Podcast, author of He’s a Porn Addict…Now What?, creator of The Path Back pornography recovery program, and currently serves on the Leading Saints Professional Therapists Advisory Board. In this episode, Kurt and Tony discuss how leaders can deal with co-dependency, overcoming the nice guy syndrome, and how we can be more successful focusing on values instead of goals.


4:00 Co-dependency: what is it?

14:30 Nice guy syndrome in leaders = co-dependency

17:20 Acceptance and Commitment Therapy

20:00 God isn’t disappointed in me

24:25 Bad things happening aren’t correlated to our behavior

30:35 Relief Society President example

31:40 Values and the Bishop Monson dynamic

36:40 System vs. goals

37:45 As you make goals, focus on values that you’ve established

41:30 As an organization (or ward) we should be focused on values, not goals

47:00 How do we see signs that we’re trapped in the nice guy syndrome?

55:00 Values: find what’s important to you

1:00:00 Truth, beauty, and goodness

1:04:00 Values vs. identity

1:06:00 The importance of vulnerability as a leader

He’s a Porn Addict…Now What?: An Expert and a Former Addict Answer Your Questions
Clarifying Values PDF, from The Confidence Gap by Russ Harris

How do we help leaders

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