Part 2: What Sexual Addiction Recovery Actually Looks Like | An Interview with Steven Croshaw and Chris Raleigh

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This is PART 2 of a 2-part podcast conversation. Listen to PART 1 Steven Croshaw is the co-founder and President of SA Lifeline Foundation, a non-profit foundation dedicated to providing hope, education and resources related to sexual addiction and betrayal trauma recovery. He was instrumental in the production of Understanding Pornography and Sexual Addiction: A Resource for Families, Religious, and Community Leaders. Steven is a commercial real estate developer. He has been married to Rhyll Anne Croshaw for 49 years and they are the parents of seven children and 27 grandchildren. They are grateful to be working recovery one day at a time. Chris Raleigh grew up in Cottonwood Heights, Utah, and served in the Pennsylvania, Philadelphia Mission. He has a bachelor’s degree in business, a master’s degree in education, and has taught for 28 years in both public and private school settings—including 23 years as a seminary and institute instructor. Chris’ church assignments have included callings in the elders quorum, Sunday School, high council, bishopric, and as a bishop and stake president. In his current assignment he serves with his wife, Peggy, on the Church’s Corrections Committee, ministering to both Church leaders and inmates in six county jails and the Central Utah Correctional Facility in Gunnison, Utah. Chris and Peggy have nine children and 14 grandchildren. Chris’ desire in sharing his story is to lend hope through the Atonement of Jesus Christ to the many men and women who feel trapped within the grasp of the illness called addiction. Trying to reverse four generations of addiction within his family has not been easy but he knows it is possible.

Steven Croshaw

Chris Raleigh

Highlights

0:15 Can church leaders do anything to help people be completely honest and change? 1:45 What happens when you are radically honest? 2:40 We can’t always understand God’s timing for things or why we have to go through them again and again 5:00 Leaders have to surrender too. Surrender those they are trying to help to God. You can’t mess with other people’s agency. 8:00 We can talk about recovery but they won’t know it and understand it till they go through it. Steven explains the steps and what he had to be willing to do to recover. 10:00 It’s necessary to find a safe place to be radically honest 12:00 Practicing honesty brings us closer to Christ. Addiction cannot survive the light of Christ. Without honesty you can’t get there. 15:30 Is disclosure to a bishop the best first step to recovery? 18:30 Instead of trying to decide if it’s an addiction or not, just treat it as such

Create boundaries and bottom lines
Be honest about all behavior
Receive the help you need

21:00 Many people have an aversion to the word addiction. Call it what you want but it’s a biochemical brain condition. It has a chemical hook. 23:30 Watching pornography first brings euphoria but is followed by feelings of shame and anger towards yourself 24:00 Whether you are a periodic user or a daily user it creates a feeling of unworthiness before God, unworthiness of the love from others, and self hatred 24:45 Sexual addiction deosn’t just want more it wants different. Pornography gets deeper and darker. There is a change in brain chemistry. 28:00 A lot of times bishops give advice based on their own experience however they need to keep in mind all the past history and possible family issues of the person they are trying to help 29:00 Pornography is not my problem. Pornography is my solution. So what is my real problem? 30:40 Recovery is being humble, honest, and accountable 31:30 What does it mean to surrender? 34:20 I have to set boundaries to stay safe 36:00 It has less to do with pornography and more to do with the emotions and feeling that we have. It’s very important to deal and process those emotions. For many the solution to avoiding these feeling and getting relief is pornography. 39:00 When it comes to confession there needs to be consequences. Bishops should give consequences because it helps change the behavior. 42:20 It’s important to learn how to process your emotions so that you don’t go back to self medicating with pornography or any other type of behavior 44:15 Taking away a temple recommend is not about shaming but it’s about addressing the problem that it is 45:15 What does it mean to get strength from the Savior and how do we do it? 49:45 What happens when a bishop minimizes a serious sin? How does it affect their spouse? It can cause more trauma and cause her to doubt her testimony. 53:40 If you love me, be honest 54:40 Don’t keep your candle under a bushel. Set it on a hill. The best way to stay sober is to find someone with the same problem to help. We need people to be honest, recover, and then help others recover too. 59:00 How can you tell if an addict is in recovery? He will tell his story. He will be willing to talk about it. 1:02:00 Resources for recovery 1:08:00 Final thoughts for leaders