Tony Overbay is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, a Certified Mindful Habit Coach, and a popular motivational speaker. Tony regularly speaks at corporate training events, schools, and churches in formal and casual settings mixing humor, clinical experience, his Christian faith, and a wealth of personal stories gleaned from years of helping others achieve their goals.
This is part 2 of a 2-part podcast discussion. Listen to Part 1 here.
Highlights
03:20 Tony shares experiences people have had with a very harsh stake president
12:25 Leaders or sometimes therapists hand people a list of things to do in order to overcome addictions or whatever it may be. But what happens when checking off those boxes doesn’t help?
13:50 Typically people go into the bishop’s office with the energy of shame. The bishop needs to diffuse that energy. People should also consider other people they can talk to besides the Bishop.
18:00 A good question to ask an individual is, “Who do you feel comfortable talking to?”
19:30 Tony breaks down shame and where it comes from
24:50 We feel shame when we are unable to overcome certain behaviors or addictions. However, we are approaching it in the wrong way. We need to dive deeper into why we are doing what we are doing.
25:40 Tony shares his own personal experience on being human and making mistakes. We need to give ourselves a break because we are all just human having human experiences.
29:20 Leadership and narcissism. Too often people are throwing out the word narcissist when dealing with a difficult person.
30:45 What is narcissism? Where does it come from?
38:20 There is a healthy level of narcissism in all of us
40:20 We most often see narcissism in a negative light. There is also normal healthy narcissism. That could also be called a normal healthy ego or your sense of self.
44:10 Pathological defensive narcissism
53:30 Jesus had a healthy ego. He had a full understanding of His identity.
55:45 Tony explains confabulation
1:02:00 Dealing with narcissistic leaders
1:04:15 Internal validation versus external validation
1:12:30 There isn’t much we can do about a narcissistic leader. What we can do is set our own boundaries.
Links
Part 1 of this podcast
Unhealthy Ways We Seek Validation As Leaders | An Interview with Tony Overbay
The Bishop’s Strongest Tools to Help Addicts | An Interview with Tony Overbay
Tony’s podcasts
The Path Back: Overcoming Pornography
The Magnetic Marriage Course
Tony’s PDF of James Fowler’s Stages of Faith Development
Stages of Faith: The Psychology of Human Development and the Quest for Meaning
Why Am I the Last Person to Know What to Do with My Life?
Am I the Narcissist? Exploring Narcissistic Traits and Tendencies
Read the TRANSCRIPT of this podcast
Listen on YouTube
Watch Tony’s Leading Saints Live with 14-day access to the Core Leader Library
The Leading Saints Podcast has ranked in the top 20 Christianity podcasts in iTunes, gets over 500,000 listens each month, and has over 10 million total downloads as part of nonprofit Leading Saints’ mission to help latter-day saints be better prepared to lead. Learn more and listen to any of the past episodes for free at LeadingSaints.org.
Past guests include Emily Belle Freeman, David Butler, Hank Smith, John Bytheway, Liz Wiseman, Stephen M. R. Covey, Julie Beck, Brad Wilcox, Jody Moore, John H. Groberg, Elaine Dalton, Tad R. Callister, J. Devn Cornish, Dennis B. Neuenschwander, Anthony Sweat, John Hilton III, Barbara Morgan Gardner, Blair Hodges, Whitney Johnson, Ryan Gottfredson, Greg McKeown, DeAnna Murphy, Michael Goodman, Richard Ostler, Ganel-Lyn Condie, and many more in over 500 episodes.
Discover podcasts, articles, virtual conferences, and live events related to callings such as the bishopric, Relief Society, elders quorum, Primary, youth leadership, stake leadership, ward mission, ward council, young adults, ministering, and teaching.
I was planning to share this two series podcast with friends–much of it is fantastic. Unfortunately, I feel there is some post-modernist philosophy that creeps in at the end. Additionally, when the guest mentions he has turned down opportunities to speak in church because he “doesn’t believe that” I think that is something that needs to be explained in more detail before I can trust his message. I would love to see the balance between God’s immutable commandments and living the gospel according to my own lived experience explored more fully in coming podcasts.
Hey Rebecca! Thank you so much for taking the time to share your comments. I truly do appreciate them and I hear you, I really do. And yes, more detail in the example that I gave would have been ideal, but admittedly Kurt and I had no script and we were truly going wherever we felt inspired to go next. I had to go back and read through the transcript to make sure I remembered that part of the interview, but I absolutely do. I was speaking more to the concepts of when one is given a topic of a talk or a lesson that might be a challenge to them because of their own unique life experiences. I think it is absolutely an opportunity for growth, and one owes it to themselves to truly look inward and decide if the topic they’ve been asked to present is something they believe. I feel like we’ve all sat in lessons where people read directly out of the manual, and they ask the questions with a lack of passion, someone comments, and they just move on to the next part of the lesson. I personally believe that comes from the presenter/teacher/speaker not feeling connected, or engaged with the topic. And in my personal experience, and nearly two decades of talking with people who have had every challenge one can think of with their faith, testimonies, life, etc., we learn more when the teacher/speaker is truly coming from a place of authenticity when they have an understanding or a belief in what they are sharing, and communicating. So when one lets go a bit of the need for external validation, and they truly connect with their God-given talents, abilities, and interests, and acknowledge their weakness, then I believe we all grow more when we hear from someone who is speaking from a place of passion, compassion, and empathy rather than someone simply reading someone else’s words in hopes of getting to the end of the lesson in the prescribed timeframe. Again, thank you so much for listening, and for sharing.