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This is a rebroadcast. The episode originally ran in October 2016. In August of 2015 I was released as bishop, but my second counselor didn’t show up to be released. I was concerned about what he was going through. A few months before that meeting, Heath—my 2nd counselor—disclosed to me the faith struggle he was experiencing. He had been striving to put his doubts to rest and gain a new level of conviction to the restored gospel. I was even more shocked when he and his family removed their names from the rolls of the Church. Thankfully my friendship with Heath has continued. We have had many uplifting conversations over lunch. These discussions were so uplifting that Heath suggested I interview him for my podcast. He was mainly joking, but I liked the idea. It turned out to be a special experience for me. I have learned so much about faith and testimony, and what leaders need to be aware of when members in their ward doubt. I strongly encourage you to listen to the episode above and then share it with a leader and a friend.
Summary
Heath is an immigration attorney in Salt Lake City, Utah. He completed his undergraduate work at Brigham Young University-Idaho before graduating from the J. Reuben Clark Law School at Brigham Young University. He became active in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as a junior in high school and later served a mission to Ecuador. He has served as elders quorum president and most recently as second counselor in the bishopric when Kurt served as bishop. He, his wife, and their three kids stopped attending church the day the bishopric was dissolved and in June 2016 chose to remove their names from church records. In this podcast, Heath tells his story of the doubts he had, his struggles with uncertainty, the day he finally got an answer, and how he has begun to feel more at peace since discovering others like him who are struggling with similar issues but who believe in the Church and are still able to serve. Kurt also explores one of the most difficult questions facing leaders in the Church: How to encourage individuals who are struggling in their faith—in their quest for certainty—without discouraging them or putting too much pressure on them to get there.
Links
Joseph Smith: Rough Stone Rolling, by Richard Bushman Antifragile: Things That Gain from Disorder, by Nassim Nicholas Taleb Secular Buddhist Association Why Your “Without a Shadow of a Doubt” Testimony is Hurting Your Leadership Elder Holland’s Secret to Teaching | Sharing the Fire of Your Faith There is already a conversation started about this rebroadcast podcast. Join in HERE. Watch on YouTube Read the TRANSCRIPT of this interview Get 14-day access to the Core Leader Library
Highlights
8:30 Began to have concerns about certain aspects of church history in 2006 as a student at BYU-I
- Began reading Rough Stone Rolling, a biography of Joseph Smith by author Richard Bushman
11:20 Took a class in law school entitled “Joseph Smith and the Law” that caused further doubts on what he had read 13:45 Soon after law school, took a job at a non-profit in Salt Lake City and was called to serve as elders quorum president
- Became consumed with the goal of extinguishing all doubts in order to feel like a more effective leader
- Continually prayed, fasted, attended the temple and did all of the things he was taught to do in order to receive the testimony he desired
- Feelings of uncertainty intensified when he was called as Second Counselor in the bishopric, as he felt he was supposed to know all of the answers whenever there was a question posed to him
- Desired to have the kind of testimony Elder Holland speaks of, one that is able to warm the hands of others, but got to a point where he could no longer say that Joseph Smith was a prophet.
24:00 As he wanted to know more and more if Joseph was a prophet, and feeling like he couldn’t get an answer or couldn’t recognize it, he became increasingly depressed. Questioned if the problem was him. Was he not good enough?
- Received an answer one Sunday afternoon that provided relief for a time. That relief was gradually replaced with thoughts of, “if it’s not true then what’s the point in living?” and he felt like would have rather been dead than have the church not be true. Heath and his family did not attend church again after that.
30:00 Kurt and Heath begin to explore what Kurt could have done as his leader.
- Do I have any “Heaths” in my ward or stewardship? What am I going to do about it?
- How can I raise my kids to believe in the principles of the gospel and understand the process of building a testimony without increasing the stress that Heath felt as they go through this process? How can I help individuals in my stewardship to do the same?
33:15 It must come from a place of love 35:30 Heath began listening to various podcasts addressing LDS issues, and learned there were others like him who had doubts. 40:00 Found people who had similar issues with church history but still believe in the church and are still able to serve, which helps him feel like he could find a place in the church again someday 42:30 How can we as leaders help people who are struggling before they get to the point of resignation or inactivity? 45:55 How do we encourage individuals to keep pushing towards testimonies of conviction while at the same time helping them to just step back and take a break for a bit, maintaining a healthy balance? 48:05 “I was not comfortable with uncertainty.” If members can’t say they are comfortable with uncertainty, there may be a problem. 54:30 What if it really is just about Christ? 59:00 Heath’s current testimony is one of hope. A hope that there God exists, that Christ is there and that they hear his prayers. A hope that families are forever and that there is something after this life. A hope that these things are true. 60:20 What Kurt has learned through his relationship with Heath
- The paradox of bold testimony and certitude is that for some who hear it, it can build and strengthen, while at the same time it may alienate others.
Takeaway questions for leaders to consider
- When individuals who crave certitude and the same bold testimony that we feel we may have don’t feel like they’ve gotten the answers they want, how can we help them to step back for a few moments and give their quest for certitude a break?
- How can we challenge, encourage and push them in their quest for certitude without diminishing their concerns, discouraging them or putting too much pressure on them to get there?
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This podcast broke my heart. I couldn’t help but wonder why he was not getting an answer. But as I pondered it some thoughts came to my mind. He mentioned how much he loved his mission and the great spirit he felt during that time. He had felt the spirit in the past and still acknowledged it. Wasn’t that at least a partials answer? Also, serving in a bishopric is an administrative calling and perhaps he was not having the experiences that filled him the way he needed, I also recalled a time in my life when I wasn’t feeling the spirit as strongly as other times in spite of reading my scriptures and praying daily. I did not have the opportunity to serve a mission but have been a ward missionary. During that time when I was struggling, I got involved in missionary work and the spirit came back into my life powerfully. I recall Clayton Christianson sharing a similar experience.
I also thought about the scripture from the D&C when the Lord told Oliver, “you took no thought save it was to ask”. Was he asking but not doing what he needed to do to study it out in his mind and in other places. I don’t know, but I feel for his longing and it is apparent that he wants to come back, he wants to believe. I hope he will figure it out and he can.
I just listened to Heath’s experience and I want to tell him how very impressed I am by his absolute honesty with himself, his fellowman and his God. He is someone that wants to be all-in. I can tell he’s a strong, intelligent, dedicated person that truly cares.
This scripture made me think of him and his family. Mosiah 21:34-35
“They did not at that time form themselves into a church; waiting upon the Spirit of the Lord…they were desirous to be baptized as a witness and a testimony that they were willing to serve God with all their hearts; nevertheless they did prolong the time;”
Heath and his family have such pure hearts and intentions and desires. They will find what they desire, be that what it will be. And when they do, they will be 100% all-in, no doubt about it. I wish Heath and his family all the best on their journey!
As a believer, I want to just add my witness that I know Jesus lives. And it is really all about Him. He will guide you to what you seek, in His own way and His own time.
Wishing you all the best and happiness.