Instructing and Edifying Each Other in Meetings | An Interview with DeAnna Murphy

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This is a rebroadcast. The episode originally ran in March 2020.

DeAnna Murphy is a former stake Relief Society president in Minneapolis, Minnesota, and the Chief People and Culture Officer for Thrivin, with a twenty-seven-year international career as an organizational psychologist, expert learning and development practitioner, and executive coach. She is also an internationally-known keynote speaker, Top 100 Global Coaching Leader, and author.

DeAnna has shared her expertise and inspiration in many Leading Saints articles, podcasts, and events. Her personal time is joyfully spent loving and lifting her family and friends, and helping each person she meets to recognize how valuable and important they are.

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Highlights

0:00:03 Introduction of DeAnna Murphy
0:00:48 Her deepest desire has just been to be a great mom; her best leadership training has come in that arena. Professionally, she’s an executive leadership coach.
0:03:44 Great leaders don’t just ask “what we are trying to accomplish?”, but also, “what is important about it?”
0:04:07 When we start a meeting establishing the purpose of the meeting, it creates power.
0:04:20 Beginning a 13-14 Sunday School class by establishing the purpose
0:05:43 “Of all the things you’re trying to accomplish with this summit, what’s the most important thing you’d hope they’d learn and they’re longing to hear?”
0:06:00 (Kurt) Hope people walk away with a deeper ability and motivation to run a meeting
0:06:50 We meet to unify. We meet to connect. We meet to multiply our resources together. D&C 43:8-9 – When we meet, we should instruct and edify one another
0:08:08 To “instruct and edify together” implies that each participant holds a piece – no one person holds all the pieces
0:11:06 Each person in a council has a unique strength and a unique perspective.
0:13:23 DeAnna’s experience with a leader having a diametrically opposed viewpoint – she might have a difficult time understanding his perspective. She sometimes had a difficult time communicating with him. It helped them to understand how the other viewed situations.
0:15:29 Feelings of self-consciousness, uncertainty, and fear led to defensiveness. Granting herself grace allowed her to grant others grace, and remove the defensiveness.
0:16:05 Citing Ether 12:27 (weakness that they may be humble); DeAnna focuses on Ether 12:37 (because you see your weakness, you’ll be made strong)
0:16:35 DeAnna’s weaknesses were not made strong by becoming like her Stake President. Instead, they learned from each other, they became stronger in each other, and were unified in the Savior.
0:19:00 Identify what is important about the meeting
0:19:18 Identify “how” we will be together: (1) There’s always room for the Savior (2) Recognize we see things differently
0:20:30 Three or four questions always help to create clarity: (1) “What are you noticing…” or “I’m noticing…” (2) “What’s important about that?” (3) “What does it mean?” (4) “Now what do we do about it” (“Why?When?How?”)
0:22:58 What do you do when you’re in a meeting and you realize that you’re not tracking what is being said? Many remain silent.
0:24:00 Feeling confusion in a meeting may be a spiritual prompting that others are confused. Consider that speaking up will likely help others in the room, not just yourself.
0:24:35 Going into meetings, agree about how we are going to “be” together. Set up ground rules for how we will conduct the meetings and participate.
0:26:17 Google experiment: The number one thing contributing to high-performing teams – cohesive and agile – was psychological safety.
0:27:17 There’s nothing more intimidating that being one of three women in a room with 15 men in their suits.
0:27:55 Fear interferes with our ability to experience oneness.
0:30:13 Confident vulnerability – the confidence that God has empowered each of us with something unique, and he’s also given us weaknesses.
0:33:30 Each person is a puzzle piece with unique strengths. If I hold my puzzle piece back, the person whose piece is adjacent to mine can’t see where to lay their piece down. Other people around me also are inclined to hold back.
0:34:05 How do I find out what my puzzle piece is? (1) Tell me about a time when you made a difference? When was it and what did you do? There’s often a pattern about how we make a difference.
0:39:05 Christ prays that his disciples may be perfect in one. The Greek word for “perfect” means “whole” or “complete.” We can become “whole” or “complete” as we are one as a council.
0:40:00 One purpose of meeting is not just to meet the needs of the people “out there,” but to lift and magnify one another in the meeting. As we magnify one another, we find the solutions to serve those we’ve been called to serve.
0:42:20 Unconditional curiosity is the antidote to judgment of self and others. When I get curious about what you mean, and what’s important about what you’re sharing, I begin to see God in you.
0:42:40 Our strengths are pieces of our Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother’s DNA in us, so as we see our strengths, we see God in each other
0:43:13 When we begin to see God in those who see things differently than us, something sacred happens
0:43:30 The Law of Sacrifice asks us: “What will I put down so that I can be fully available to love with all of my heart, might, mind, and strength?” Will I let go of my judgment? Will I let go of my belief that I’m not enough? Will I let go of my fear?
0:45:20 How do we let go of our fears and insecurities? You may ask the following questions:
0:47:11 “What’s the story I’m telling myself right now?”
0:48:50 “If you keep telling yourself this story, where will it lead you?”
0:49:23 “What would a new ending look like if I were to write a new ending to this story?”
0:50:45 “What would be one step you could take toward that new ending?”
0:56:00 How do we let go of our fear?
1:01:20 Fear and judgment hold us back from consecration.
1:01:53 Wrap up – identifying important principles
1:01:55 Principle: When people are aligned around a shared purpose and have had a chance to weight in on the purpose, it helps them come more fully to a meeting.
1:02:55 Principle: Have clear goals.
1:02:10 Principle: Pause to say how we are going to be together.
1:05:40 Meetings are just another way of ministering and loving each other the way the Savior would
1:10:10 A great meeting doesn’t start when the meeting starts. The meeting starts 6 or 7 days ago.
1:12:42 Asking the right question is powerful. Start with “What?” or “How?” or “When?” Avoid “yes” or “no” or “why?” questions.
1:13:21 If you let the person’s answer drive your next question, you will go right into their heart.
1:16:00 Final encouragement

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