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Alanna Francom grew up outside of Blackfoot, Idaho, the oldest of seven children. She attended Brigham Young University–Idaho and then decided to become a massage therapist and went to school in Salt Lake City, Utah. She met her husband, Kurt, in a Young Single Adult ward in Salt Lake, and has served alongside him while he was a bishop and in a stake presidency. They have three children. If you are a former/current bishop’s wife, consider TAKING OUR SURVEY.
Highlights
3:00 How Kurt and Alanna met 9:00 The need for content around being a bishop’s wife 11:15 The bishop’s wife is an unofficial calling 11:45 When Kurt was called as bishop 13:50 Alanna’s perspective on their marriage during Kurt’s time in leadership positions 16:40 Changes when Kurt was called to the stake presidency 17:10 Dealing with situational depression 20:40 Leadership principles: Advice for the bishop’s wife
- Share experiences: Grow in the experience together
- It is helpful to know what he is doing and see the purpose of his service
- How to share and still maintain confidentiality (25:00)
- Make it a family calling (26:15)
- Rewarding to participate in visits together
- Ask yourself: What sort of bishop’s wife do I want to be?
- Stake presidents: Invite the family to stand when the bishop is called (29:00)
- Look for simple family traditions to incorporate into your service
- Finding connection (31:40)
- Attended the wards Kurt visited as counselor in stake presidency
- Connected with ward members, stake presidency families, bishopric/stake presidency wives lunches
- Bishopric/presidency meetings as “guys night out” (35:40)
- Possibility of feeling left out
- Go out of the way to seek that sort of connection for yourself
- Bishops: Allow your wife to have spiritual opportunities at church (38:00)
- Sometimes it’s hard and that’s okay (38:40)
- “My wife has never complained” testimony (40:00)
- It’s okay to give yourself permission to be sad, to want your husband there when he isn’t
- Let yourself feel the feelings and be aware, and that will help dissipate it (42:45)
- Talk about what you’re feeling and have real conversations with your husband
45:20 Sharing Leading Saints feedback with Kurt and meeting listeners 45:50 Sharing growth experiences through callings has strengthened her testimony
Links
Leading Others to be Better Than Happy | An Interview with Jody Moore Be Bold with Jody Moore How I Lead as the Bishop’s Wife | Interviews with Jill Walker and Kasandra Merrill How I Lead as the Bishop’s Wife | Interviews with Jordan Brown and Amanda Fristrom
Kurt, I am new to the podcast. I wish I would have found it sooner. My husband has been listening for about a year, but I didn’t think the podcast applied to me. He just told me yesterday that there are episodes specifically for wives of Bishops, so that piqued my interest (although, admittedly, I did say to him, “Right, that’s all I need is to find out now that I’ve been doing it all wrong.”) We are at the end of our Bishoping adventure (at least for now). My husband will be released this coming Sunday. I have mixed emotions for sure. I am excited to actually sit with him in sacrament meeting for the first time in over 14 years, since that’s how many years he has been sitting on the stand, serving as counselor to the past two Bishops and then serving for the past 5+ years as Bishop. Buy I know that our family has been blessed during these years of service, and there are some things that we will miss.
To be honest, I had mixed feelings as I listened to those podcasts. The thoughts I had as I listened to the first wife and her experiences helped me feel validated, like I’m not alone in the things I have thought and felt about this season of our lives; but the second one made me feel like a failure. I felt like I’ve really missed the boat on doing some things I “should have” been doing. My thoughts and feelings listening to the next podcast were again mixed, with the first wife’s comments stirring up thoughts about how poorly I have served during this time, and the second one validating that it’s not a five-year picnic.
This time of serving has reaffirmed to me the reality of the Savior, as I have seen blessings poured upon my family and miracles in our lives. But it has also reaffirmed to me the reality of Satan. He has worked tirelessly on me to expose my vulnerabilities and insecurities over the past five years. I have never felt so invisible in our ward as I have during this time as the Bishop’s wife. So many people extend invitations to the Bishop – for baby blessings, baptisms, girls camp, youth conference, etc. They say, “We need to be sure to invite the Bishop to this,” but they rarely think to invite the Bishop and his wife. They bring thoughtful cards and treats addressed to the Bishop. They frequently thank the Bishop and his counselors over the pulpit for their sacrifices to serve, seemingly without giving a thought to the sacrifices the Bishopric’s families make to allow them to serve. The Bishop is definitely “high profile,” for lack of a better word, and the Bishop’s wife isn’t a calling, so it’s easy to feel invisible. This has definitely been a lonely time for me in many ways. I really appreciate those wives on the podcast who mentioned the feelings of loneliness.
This has been a very long preamble to say that I especially appreciated the episode with Alanna. Many of her comments spoke right to my heart, and I just felt so much love and connection with her (maybe it’s a Blackfoot thing ;). One particularly useful thought that she triggered in my head was how much I would love to be helping the people that my husband is helping, because these are all my friends and neighbors; but instead of being able to help them myself, I am helping them by allowing my husband to be away from home to help them. That helped assuage my feelings that I haven’t “done enough” as the Bishop’s wife. Please thank her for that powerful thought. I have been really pondering it all day, and although I’m sure I will continue to second guess my time as Bishop’s wife and wonder if there was more I could have done to be a better servant during this time, I am grateful for Alanna’s words of wisdom and compassion. And throwing in a Jody Moore quote always helps! 🙂
Thanks so much for the wonderful content. I will continue to listen to the podcasts, even though our callings may not specifically relate any more. The concepts and principles are helpful no matter the calling in which we serve.
I wish there was more content on this topic so that the general church membership has a better idea what it’s like to be a bishop’s wife. Your wife did a fabulous job. My husband has been bishop for over 4 years and before that, I was the RS Pres. I understood the huge welfare burden our ward had and as his time as bishop, my husband has really “trimmed it down” so to speak. He has done a wonderful job serving our ward. I worry about the wives, like myself, who also serve diligently along side their husbands, but the burden at times on myself is very heavy. I wish there was a way to convey thoughts and feelings of what it is like to be in that position as a bishop’s wife, because very few women in most congregations have been. There are times when I feel unseen/unheard. Don’t ever assume that the bishop’s wife is ok because “she’s the bishop’s wife” and has such a wonderful family. We all have struggles and a bishop holds quite a lot. I hope this is understandable. Thank you for all you do! This podcast really speaks about those things that don’t get talked about…..keep that up….we need it badly!
I am a ministering sister to the bishop’s wife. This is so helpful. I had never thought of all of this she may be feeling or going theough! Insightful! I have ideas for how to make her life better now!
Thank you so much for this podcast. It really helped me not to feel alon.