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Gary Rhoads grew up in Pocatello, Idaho and received his undergraduate degree and MBA from Idaho State University. He holds a PhD in Marketing from Texas Tech University and is currently the Stephen Mack Covey Professor of Marketing and Entrepreneurship at Brigham Young University. He has taught at Brigham Young University for 25 years. Rhoads teaches an executive MBA course focused on his method of Stop Think & Lead which helps leaders dealing with critical situations. Recently at BYU Education week Dr. Rhoads taught his Stop Think & Lead approach—teaching how to make a point without making an enemy. He’s an expert in how to deal with critical situations and how to avoid conflict. In this episode he shares his great knowledge how we as leaders (and even just people in any relationship) can best deal with conflict and not make enemies in the process.
Episode Highlights
Introduction to Stop Think & Lead approach (11:45) 3 types of people in conflict:
- Robotic- following the manual, stating the facts
- Pooh Bear- avoiding the situation
- Dish Out- makes a point but makes an enemy
Learn skills without having regrets (13:30) Similar to diving certification- Stop Think Breathe (15:00) Stop– don’t react, do no harm- most people fail to do this Stopping tactic- acknowledge concern (17:00) Think– What outcomes do I want? (17:30) Lead– Take action
Examples of the Stop, Think, Lead Approach
Example 1: Bishop vs. Sister Stone (19:00) There are multiple outcomes in situations (25:00) U turn stopping tactic (28:40) If you feel angry, say the kindest thing you can say. Calming tactic (30:00)- This is how I see it… Example 2: Conflict between husband and wife (33:00) Keep walking and come back with a plan (41:00) Help to a bishop dealing with conflict (43:00) Tactic that works the best dealing with conflict in the church (45:00) Example 3: Pinewood Derby conflict (46:00) Example of U-turns (53:30)- truthful kind words help you gain back control
Links:
I just finished listening and really liked all these ideas shared. We have too much conflict avoidance in our culture. We release people, give them different callings to ‘fix’ issues or conflicts in favor of working things out. I think it contributes to the ‘once-size-fits-all’, ‘only-the-right-kind-of-people-can-be-leaders’ in the church.
I do have an observation I’d love to have had talked through. Let’s take the issue of the YW President. In my experience, that YW President who would OBVIOUSLY know that the YW that didn’t get the info on time had parents who don’t attend church. She still thought it was right to ‘diss’ that YW and her family through her pettiness. I don’t actually see a reasonable conversation happening in that case. In my experience, that woman would’ve stuck to her guns, never agree to do anything other than what she pre-determined to do.
That, I think, is the larger problem. When you have to deal with an unreasonable person.
My last comment was about the Bishop taking the leader(s) back to ‘his office’ to work something out. It seems that the Bishop is now in a power-position where others would feel like they needed to agree with him no matter what, particularly because he’s the Bishop. I’d prefer that they go to an empty room and sit on chairs next to each other in a more even relationship.
Great interview. Such useful information.
As I listened, I was thinking about how to incorporate the Spirit into the Stop, Think and Lead paradigm. One great way to Stop would be to Stop and Pray. Say a silent prayer for calmness, for inspiration and to be able to feel love for the other person. Think could be broadened to Ponder, in the sense of pulling in gospel teachings and doctrines that can guide your actions, in thinking through the situation while seeking the guidance of the Spirit, etc. Lead could also be framed as Lead by Following the Spirit. (I’m sure in the longer sessions these ideas come out every time too).
As I thought about the example of the Young Women’s award night, one solution I though of was the bishop taking a few minutes before giving out the awards to invite the Spirit, to connect emotionally and spiritually with the girls, using the opportunity to teach doctrines that would benefit the three girls, the one girl, and the YW president, trusting that the Spirit can touch each of them. I might have taken the time to teach about the Parable of the Laborers in the vineyard, talking about the role of mercy and justice in the atonement, and then drawing the parallel between young women who worked for six years on their award and ones who get it right at the end. It would be a lesson that the young (and slightly less young) women could internalize because of the situation at hand. And it would have given the YW president time to internally Stop, Think and Lead while being prompted by the Spirit. Hard to do as you are storming out of the chapel! (I’ve had to do something similar with eagle scout awards at 14 yrs versus 17 11/12 years).
I can’t wait to listen to this podcast! I went to Brother Rhoads’ classes teaching the STOP, THINK, LEAD method this year during BYU Education Week and LOVED it!