I have an electronic note that I keep adding to, titled, “Things our culture says…”.

It’s a list of interesting phrases we have been saying for decades as a faith community that either have a different meaning depending on who you are talking to or are so cliché that they don’t really have meaning at all.

One of those phrases we say in our culture that isn’t helping and with which you’ll probably agree.

We use this phrase a lot, many times as leaders: “You need to forgive.”

When we say it to one another, it’s as effective as telling an anxious or angry person, “Relax!”

Yes, God commands that we forgive one another (Doctrine & Covenants 64:9): that is His prerogative, and I won’t argue with that.

But if we take that commandment and try to force it on others, it won’t work that easily.

It especially won’t work that simply with those who have been victims of betrayal, abuse, or crime.

Just like the commandment to be perfect requires time, so does forgiveness.

This reminds me of an interview I did with Jim Hastings, who was a bishop at the time his sweet daughter was abducted and murdered.

It would be hard to remind someone who has experienced something so tragic to simply flip the switch of forgiveness.

I even asked him about forgiveness in the interview, and his answer was enlightening (see minute mark 39:00).

So the next time it appears someone is in need of flipping the forgiveness switch, maybe sit with them a little longer, offer them as much patience as they need, and Jesus Christ will continue to shepherd them along the path of forgiveness, even if it takes a while.

Sincerely,

Kurt Francom
Executive Director
Leading Saints

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