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Tanya Bennion is a mother and graphic designer/web developer, and enjoys photography and travel. She grew up in Wyoming, served a mission in Fukuoka, Japan, and attended school at the University of Wyoming, BYU, and American University. Tanya and her first husband, Bailey, were married just over two years before he passed away. She and her second husband, Jeff, have one son and live in the Salt Lake City area.
Highlights
06:45 Whirlwind romance; met and married Bailey in six months 07:45 He was a convert and they married in the Timpanogos temple 09:30 Six weeks into the marriage, they found a lump on his neck and he had Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. She knew she would be a widow soon. 11:00 Rollercoaster of medical problems during their short marriage, and he died shortly after being declared clear of cancer, two years three months into their marriage; she was 25 13:25 Experience finding him at home 16:40 He was her knight in shining armor, and she had to pick up the pieces 17:30 Grief group was run by nuns, for women 65 and younger, and no one in the group understood her experience, but she found that it was still very helpful for her because she was talking about it. Stayed for a year to reduce potential for additional trauma. 20:00 Social relationships changed because of the uncomfortable circumstances, but her visiting teachers were her rock and one young girl at church sat with her every week; any conversation is good and better than ignoring 23:00 Men can be sealed to multiple wives while they are living, but women can only be sealed to one man while living. This is difficult for young widows because young men don’t want to date and marry someone who is already sealed to someone else. 24:45 Her advice: Talk about it every chance you can because that is how you will heal 25:30 Created a support group for young Latter-day Saint widows without children, and began serving at the Washington, D.C. temple 29:30 Dating: almost everyone lost interest as soon as they learned she was sealed to someone else. How our religious culture plays into this and what it really means. 35:05 Difficulty because there are no resources for young widows in the Church, and some policies are roadblocks despite no problems with worthiness; she has always had to teach her leaders how to deal with it because they don’t know how it all works 39:30 You are not denied any blessings or temple blessings; if you’re not sealed in this lifetime you can be sealed after, and God is just; the gospel is all faith-based and we need to believe that everything works into God’s plan 42:00 Worries as she is considering breaking the first sealing because of concerns for Bailey’s place in the sealing; understanding that sealing is both horizontal and vertical 44:15 Thoughts and feelings of disloyalty when facing breaking the sealing, but understanding that everything can be fixed 49:00 What sealing and being born in the covenant really means; avoiding the spiritual calculus when you understand how it works 55:00 The process of breaking sealings has wrinkles for widows because it is designed around sealing cancellations with divorce; be aware of the process and sensitive to its likely effects on the widow 1:06:45 Being patient and sensitive to the issue within a marriage 1:09:20 You can find support groups online and network to find support 1:11:00 How this experience has strengthened her testimony of Jesus Christ
I was widowed at age 32. My husband and I were on track to adopt from LDS Social Services until my husband died in a trucking accident. Tanya’s church experiences were a lot like mine. I was nodding at almost everything she said. Unlike Tanya I have not remarried nor have I had children. Thank you for this interview. I hope it brings understanding to leaders and members who have a young widow, or even an older widow, in their congregation. Church is hard when you’re grieving, and the members can be your greatest support.
Great episode. I found it ironic that I found it today on my 13 anniversary. My wife was widowed, first husband had depression and committed suicide.
We had to go through much of what she talked about. What was surprising to me in our experience was that many people (including leaders) gave my wife bad info that she would never be sealed to another. We actually made an appointment with Idaho Falls Temple President (Elder Groberg) and he explained it to us and really changed my wife’s hope in being sealed to whom she would have children with.
Also excellent comment on Bishops not reaching out to deceased family. My wife went and talked to them, I did go with her. Did not go over well, but would have been much worse if they were getting it second hand.
Right now I drive truck, these episodes make for some great hours of listening. Keep it up
I just finished listening to this episode. I admire Tanya’s eloquence, tenacity, and faith. I also spent the entire episode with my jaw on the ground, wondering when you were going to ask her if/how she has dealt with anger regarding the church’s policy that women can only be sealed to one man while alive. This seems like a hugely critical piece her her story and many other’s like it that could be largely prevented.
Most of the major policy changes in the church have come when people have asked why things are they way they are. So much pain is caused for women because of this rule that inexplicably and unfairly doesn’t relate to men. It also causes pain to men who care for women who are caught in such a terrible bind. I believe our HF loves us, and if he can work it all out in the eternity and it doesn’t matter if a woman is married to more than one man when she is dead, why does it matter on earth? Why are we as members not asking our leaders and why are leaders not petitioning and actively working to diminish the pain about this policy?
Elder Oaks’s talk in conference and the basic message of “don’t worry about it,” felt dismissive to the real pain that exists. Tanya said that considering breaking her sealing to her first husband was even more painful than his death. Breaking a sealing causes huge pain for families of the deceased. This does not have to be so. Plus, the policy also makes women feel like second class citizens in that they’re seemingly having to agree to be polygamous wives to husbands who are currently sealed to other women, when this is something that NO woman wants. But men are not held to the same rules.
“Elder Oaks’s talk in conference and the basic message of ‘don’t worry about it,’ felt dismissive to the real pain that exists.” As you said, men are not held to the same rules. It’s easy not to worry about it if it doesn’t affect you.
My wife and I have had long conversations about this and we both have agreed that one sealing is enough for anyone.
The idea of being widowed is too much for me to even contemplate, but I have several members in my ward who have had to navigate that. Thanks for your comments, NH.
Thank you for tackling topics like this on your podcast. One of my sisters was a young widow, and she and her 2nd husband have gone through everything Tanya talked about. I learned a lot listening to this episode and have so much admiration for her and her testimony and faithfulness. Please keep up the amazing work you are doing.
Please contact me, I’ve been widowed twice, in 2002 from an accident and in 2017 from early onset Alzheimer’s. I, too, have developed a rock solid testimony of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I would love to talk with Tanya about how I can go about speaking and sharing my testimony of the sealing covenant.
Thank you for interviewing Tanya. Tanya is my first cousin. Her father and mother are two of my favorite relatives. However, because her father is the youngest child in the family and my father is the oldest child in the family combined with when they each got married and began having children, there is a huge age gap between us. In addition, we always lived very far apart from each other, so consequently, I have only known the elevator version of her story. This interview was very insightful for me personally but also how leaders can do much better with such a traumatic situation as hers.