In this episode, Leading Saints Executive Director Kurt Francom, shares his closing session from the Liberating Saints Virtual Summit. He approaches the subject of supporting and mentoring someone through a difficult struggle with pornography, from a doctrinal standpoint. This concept eventually became Kurt’s book, Is God Disappointed In Me?


3:00 Approaching the topic from a doctrinal standpoint 4:20 Behaviors vs doctrine/heart 5:15 “The study of the doctrines of the gospel will improve behavior quicker than a study of behavior will improve behavior. Preoccupation with unworthy behavior can lead to unworthy behavior. That is why we stress so forcefully the study of the doctrines of the gospel.“—Boyd K. Packer 6:40 Change the heart, leading to a change in behavior 8:00 How Satan tempts us, catching us in our own traps by creating contention in our hearts (Doctrine & Covenants 10:12, 26, 63)

  • 11:10 Satan’s attack on our identity causes contention (Moses 4:11, Matthew 4:3)
  • 14:00 Setting our own trap (example from The Lion King)
  • 17:15 Steve’s story of overcoming addiction

19:40 Satan uses shame to alter identity

  • “As a shame researcher, I’ve learned that wherever perfectionism is driving us, shame is riding shotgun.”—Brene Brown
  • 22:20 “What does that say about you as a person?”—Sam Tielemans

23:15 The adversary’s work and glory is to destroy the agency of man. Shame leads to altered identity which leads to a lack of agency. 24:55 “I am an addict”

  • “No one wants to be defined by their hardest struggle, and so we have to find this really interesting space between owning it and identifying it but reject being labeled by it and reduced by it.”—Brene Brown
  • 27:00 Does this reduce or expand the individual’s identity?

29:50 Examples of Tom and Tim in the bishop’s office 33:10 A change of heart leads to good behavior

  • Offer hope
  • Explore doctrines (especially mercy and grace)
  • Admit you can’t “fix” them
  • Define the purpose of the behaviors (CPR: church, prayer, read scriptures)
  • Turn them towards their Father
  • Overwhelm them with connection

44:20 Story of James 47:45 Disappointment: another tactic of the adversary

  • The principal’s office, the dentist’s office, and the bishop’s office
  • 51:10 Contention created when we believe God is disappointed in us

52:30 Can God be disappointed? Can God be surprised?

  • Doctrine & Covenants 3:1-3
  • Doctrine & Covenants 10:67
  • “Repentance isn’t His backup plan in the event we might fail. Repentance is His plan, knowing that we will.”—Lynn G. Robbins

57:10 Example of learning to walk and falling down

  • “This shepherd, our Good Shepherd, finds joy in seeing His diseased sheep progress toward healing.”—Dale G. Renlund
  • “A car is made to run on gasoline, and it would not run properly on anything else. Now God designed the human machine to run on himself. He himself is the fuel our spirits were designed to burn, or the food our spirits were designed to feed on. There is no other.”—C.S. Lewis

1:01:15 Kurt’s scripture study shame cycle example: “You could _______ and I’d still love you.” 1:05:45 “The Christian does not think God will love us because we are good, but that God will make us good because He loves us.”—C.S. Lewis 1:06:20 John 14:16 1:07:50 The Heart of Man movie clip: Think of the violin as commandments and covenants 1:10:10 If ye love me, hold on to my commandments

  • Abraham 3:26, Doctrine & Covenants 78:18
  • Alma 33:16
  • Romans 8:38-39

1:13:50 Luke 15:20 When he was yet a great way off


Is God Disappointed In Me? “The Atonement Works for Me”: One Couple’s Recovery from Sexual Addiction Brene Brown TED talk: Listening to Shame James’ story on the Unashamed, Unafraid podcast The Heart of Man movie clip The Heart of Man movie Read the TRANSCRIPT of this podcast

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