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People in your ward doubt the validity of gospel and you don’t know it. You don’t know it because they are afraid to tell you, their leader, that they doubt. They are afraid how you will respond, what you will say, and what you will do. Some are even afraid their newfound doubts will cause you to begin to doubt because they were once fully convinced of the gospel’s validity too. No, they haven’t sinned or need an excuse to sin—they just doubt. If the bishop, or any other leader, is lucky enough, members with deep questions about the restored gospel will actually set an appointment to meet with you before they fade away into inactivity, or worse. This type of appointment is one of your greatest leadership tests. A moment when you will feel like you need to say the right thing or you might unintentionally push them away. To help leaders prepare now rather than in the 15 seconds you will have when they say, “I’m not sure I believe anymore” here are seven things leaders can consider to help those in your ward who doubt.
Validate, Validate, VALIDATE
Most people who have developed doubt in the claims of the LDS Church feel like they have gone crazy. They live in a church culture where they see people every month stand and deliver a testimony with “every fiber of their being.” These strong testimonies can be inspiring for many, but for those suddenly doubting, they feel like an outlier for even having thoughts of doubt. Validation is the first step to a productive conversation. No matter how radical or outlandish the leader perceives the member’s new perspective, it is critical to validate the fact that any normal, believing church member could develop such questions. Validating their doubts, concerns, or different beliefs doesn’t mean you agree with them or that you should give them the impression you agree with them. Validation is simply recognizing the feelings a member might feel as he or she wrestles with a newfound perspective. For example, if an individual shares with a leader that she has read new information that causes her to question Joseph Smith’s validity as a prophet of God, the leader could say, “I can imagine you have been feeling confused, unsure, and possibly even betrayed by this new information. It is important to realize that questions and doubts are part of a normal process we all go through as we strive to discover a deeper faith, even when we thought we had a stable testimony of these principles.” When a doubter hears validation, she suddenly realizes she isn’t going crazy. If she feels like her perspective is scoffed at or dismissed, she will realize the mistake she made by trying to communicate her concerns with her church leader. Remember, she won’t feel loved if she feels like you are trying to win a disagreement or straighten out her beliefs.
Offer a New Framework
When an individual experiences a faith crisis he feels he is in a spiritual free fall. He begins to question concepts in life he had never questioned before—especially those concepts based on faith. He moves from a life of certainty to a life of questions. This destroys hope and stimulates anxiety. One of the best ways a leader can help others to establish a foundation of hope is to give the individual a new framework in which to start reconstructing his faith. Up until now, most with an LDS background have had a black-and-white framework to define their faith. They thought they had most of the answers that helped them understand the world and the eternities. It’s not so much that the doubter’s faith has been damaged; it’s their framework of defining faith that is needing repair. In my experience, James Fowler’s Stages of Faith is effective when needing a dynamic framework for understanding the human experience related to faith. We hope to produce more resources on Leading Saints that better explain this model, but for now, I encourage you to review it online. It is relieving for both the leader and the member when the member understands he is not in a crisis of faith, but rather, in a transition of faith. Many have gone through this transition before and maintained a strong belief in the religion they love. Here is a quick understanding of how an LDS member might experience Fowler’s Stages of Faith model:
- Stage 1: “Heavenly Father gave me a nose and a family!” (Toddler age learning)
- Stage 2: “Follow the Prophet, Follow the Prophet, Follow the Prophet, he knows the way!” (Primary age learning)
- Stage 3: “This is the True and Living Church restored by God in a perfect way.” (Black and white learning)
- Stage 4: “The Book of Mormon was mainly translated from a seer stone?!?!?! If this is true I’m going to have to figure out a new way of structuring my faith in order to fully benefit from what the gospel offers.”
- Stage 5: “I love how much nuance there is in the gospel and the history of the restoration. It challenges me with new questions the lead me to a new understanding of the gospel.”
- Stage 6: Jesus Christ was at stage 6 and He was at the highest level of charity and was only focused on love and justice.
That’s my basic understanding of the six stages. Note that a given stage is not superior to any other stage; nor is it required that everyone go through each stage in order to have the highest faith experience possible. For example, I am very much a stage 3 Mormon. I see things more black and white than stage 4 Mormons, not because I am naive to facts, but because I classify those facts differently than individuals in stages 4 or 5. Also, many leaders want to try to encourage Stage 4 believers to come back to stage 3. It doesn’t work like that. The toothpaste is out of the tube and you aren’t putting it back. Thomas Wirthlin McConkie also offers other effective frameworks in the LDS context. This is a simplified overview of this framework and we need more content on Leading Saints about it. For this article, it is important for a leader to have a framework outside of the traditional black and white framework so that the leader can help the individual in crisis to know he is not in crisis, but rather, he is in a transition. You, as his leader, must restore a framework before you can help him restore faith.
Encourage Further Engagement in the Gospel
When a member of your ward suddenly finds himself in a faith transition, they find less purpose in the orthodox day-to-day or week-to-week gospel experience he or she once enjoyed. You might have a former elders quorum president who loved the weekly lessons in Sunday school but now he is skeptical of everything the gospel doctrine teacher says. Or a sister who was a faithful scripture reader up until she experienced her free fall of faith. We, as leaders, want members moving forward, focused on receiving further revelation and discovery rather than slowly giving up. They might feel like their spiritual progression is served better by spending the majority of their study in skeptical articles that reinforce their doubting, rather than discovering a deeper faith in scripture. Asking the person to stop reading or viewing certain publications will not be helpful. It creates a perception that you, as a church leader, are still trying to “hide” something. Invite them to give at least equal time to Church publications and scriptures, and to continue to rely on prayer for further guidance. With that said, it should be noted that many of these individuals are more engaged in the gospel than every before. It’s important not to assume that because they are doubting then they must be too focus on skeptical literature. Applaud them for their search for deeper truth and encourage the use of scripture and Church publications in their committed search for truth. As you encourage these individuals to engage in the gospel, stress to them that you are not trying to “reset” their faith, but rather, to help them discover deeper belief. President Howard W. Hunter said, “I have sympathy for young men and young women when honest doubts enter their minds and they engage in the great conflict of resolving doubts. These doubts can be resolved, if they have an honest desire to know the truth, by exercising moral, spiritual, and mental effort. They will emerge from the conflict into a firmer, stronger, larger faith because of the struggle. They have gone from a simple, trusting faith, through doubt and conflict, into a solid substantial faith which ripens into testimony.” (in Conference Report, Oct. 1960, 108).
Give No Impression of Wrongdoing
The free fall experience that a faith transition can put someone through is scary enough, not to mention the further anxiety that comes from the feeling that the member is doing something wrong. By giving the impression that the individual is sinning or wanting to sin destroys trust and confirms the fears the member had before meeting with a church leader. I love Michael Goodman’s perspective that doubt is amoral and the fact that someone is doubting a truth of the gospel does not mean she has done something wrong. Like many situations, the role of the leader is to slow things down and help her take one step at a time. Canceling a temple recommend and removing a church calling might seem like obvious first steps, but you might find those actions only cause distrust and further alienate the member. Of course, this is where priesthood keys and inspiration come into play, and I would never fault a leader for doing what they feel impressed to do, but we need to get away from the idea that punishment is needed because we classify their doubt as a sin, or that their doubt is hiding sin. Always seek first to understand and validate.
Counsel With Your Ward Council
With so much happening in an active ward, it’s easy to go through the motions of weekly classes at church. Everyone sitting in Sunday School assumes there is nobody with deep questions sitting in the classroom and we all have an established testimony of the gospel. I assure you there are more individuals questioning basic LDS beliefs in your ward than you realize. That was my experience when I served as a bishop. I fulfilled my responsibilities and didn’t even realize my second counselor was having deep concerns and doubts about the Church. It would serve a ward council well to spend time in your council meetings discussing how to make the three hours of church instruction on Sunday a more inviting atmosphere for all stages of belief. If we are not intentional about discussing this it is easy to default to black and white ward culture and cause some to think, “there is no place for me here.” I’ve talked about this before in the context of fast and testimony meeting.
Become Familiar With Church Resources
It is shocking to still hear stories where current lay leaders in the Church are not giving time nor attention to the Gospel Topics Essays the LDS Church has published. There are even stories that church leaders are discouraging the exploration of these essays during church or even refusing to explore them personally. These are remarkable essays and by studying them it will make a leader better equipped to validate concerns that doubting members face. It will be such a relief for these individuals when they find out their local leader already knows some things related to their concerns. This is another topic for your ward council to discuss.
Think Before Testifying
Bearing a testimony is something a leader should be doing often. There is no doubt there is a power behind inviting the Spirit into the room through testimony when interacting with someone who is doubting his lifelong beliefs. I encourage testifying, but I fear leaders are bearing testimony to chase doubt out of the room. A leader must realize the reason for a member’s doubt is not the absence of hearing strong testimonies—in fact, hearing a strong testimony can remind the member she still doesn’t have a strong testimony. Hearing phrases like, “I know” can motivate an investigator to desire the same level of belief, but for someone that is doubting, it can remind her that she still doesn’t “know.” Elder M. Russell Ballard has said, “Gone are the days when a student raised a sincere concern and a teacher [or leader] bore his or her testimony as a response intended to avoid the issue.” The reason validating (as mentioned before) is so important is because when the leader validates a member’s new perspective, she is encouraged that you know this troubling information and you still retain a strong belief in the gospel. So as you testify, do so with the intent to encourage rather than to change her mind in the moment.
Trust the Grace of Jesus Christ
Remember that as a leader, you were not called to “fix” it. Our heart breaks for those who suddenly feel they are standing on a foundation no longer firm. We want to be the leader who says the right thing, shares the right scripture, and helps reestablish a bulletproof testimony for the member once again. The reality is that many will walk out of a bishop’s office still not sure. They may even spend some time away from the church seeking answers church leaders feel we already have. But we must never overlook the Grace of Jesus Christ who will always be reaching out to them and that His Grace truly is sufficient for what they face. Do your best to love, encourage, testify and then… let go. Have faith in their journey and that it can still have a purpose whether they are outside of the LDS Church or fervently praying in church. What has worked for you as a leader striving to encourage those who have lost their faith? What else can we add to this list?
Recently I was given the opportunity to visit a less active. I don’t recall meeting this person before, yet I felt I knew who they were. Immediately at the door of the home, there was a distinct disconnection with the Lord and their beliefs had diminished, to the point of non existence. There was not a need to be part of a heavenly home, or the desire to know of a God. The individual expressed their standing in the community and had decided, there was no need of change. Needless to say, the persons lifestyle was not typical as an LDS. The person made a request to have their name removed from church records. I being given the charge as leader, chose to discuss elements the Lord Himself had revealed to man. The person continued specifying the need to remove his name. I exclaimed it would need to be in writing, for the Lord kept evidence of a persons request. The conversation developed further, wherein I expressed the need of God and His plan for mankind. The individual was not over zealous of my remarks and the need for a God. There was an expression for the need of nothingness afterthis life and it failed to strike a chord, with the individual, or so it seemed. Nevertheless the Lord was my tongue, the Spirit had spoken and God made me totally aware of this. Even if this poor soul, eventually decides to be removed from the eternal flock, they were aware that was not what the Lord wanted. They were made aware, of the need for hope, the need to be resurrected in an eternal family, the need to know God needed them!. The worth of a soul is something to fight for. Something to live for and something to die for. If it were not so, Our Saviour would have done it for naught!
Hi Kurt (and MMorley). I happen to be the girl in this conversation. Kurt, I teared up listening to this, and still am amazed by your points, and that you made a podcast about it. It is a journey indeed. There was true healing in that conversation, and I’ve thought of it often. It was indeed a freefall, and exactly what I needed to hear to stop it.
And I just have to say, that I know several people as described in this comment- and (MMorley) while I get that you feel the need to share what the Lord wants, I feel like this is the opposite response of what people like me, need. I’m a part of a group that discusses our transitions and crisis in the church. Some are mad, some are done, some are in a constant depression of losing the church they thought was true, some are hurting so much they think of suicide. And so many are misjudged. That’s what I love about this message, these are real tactics to actually help someone back to the fold. No doubt that man knew of God’s plan, and had been taught in church all the things you said. But in that crisis of faith, that simply is not what we need to hear. Drawing a line in the sand, talking of what God wants are really alienating things to say. Who cares if he removes his name from the church?! People can change. He could come back, and re-enter the waters of baptism. You could be a doorway to his greater understanding- and he pass through that crisis and stepping away, because someone loved, listened, and validated. Isn’t that the ultimate that Christ would say anyway? The soul is indeed worth fighting for, but I fear with these tactics you might lose that fight as his leader. If you want to win the fight for the soul, I would hope you re-read this article and listen to these amazing suggestions. At the end of the day, we are all just humans trying to make it through life. Imagine the pain of “losing your religion” and being on the other end of that conversation at the door. It would be hurtful and perhaps make him feel even more misunderstood, and that this church isn’t for me. I’m not trying to be upsetting or diminish your calling, but I feel like this was the wrong way to go, and exactly why this article is profound.
Kurt, I’ve shared this with that transitions group. I’m not saying people will be miraculously cured or throw away their concerns, but helping them to begin to heal from the pain and heartache is a real possibility. I feel like it could help more people like me, and their leaders too. It helped patch my soul enough to be able to allow the bigger plan, Christ’s plan to be renewed in my heart. Thank you- honestly- for that day, and for writing down the thoughts from it.
Liz, I was so happy to see you comment on this article. I’ve enjoyed our new friendship and I am encouraged by your faith journey. If I can be of any other help to you or others I am standing by. I’ve learned so much from our interactions.
Would it be safe to say that the restoration of the church was brought about by Joseph Smith’s crisis of faith or faith transition? Look what the amazing and beautiful result of that was, something far better and more truthful than what existed previously. Much like tribulation, I believe faith transitions should be approached as an opportunity for growth. I really enjoyed this podcast and appreciate the work you do!
The Spirit never wanes nor does it falter, neither does the Lord flee from hope. Man is that man is, yet God is what man may hope to be become. Never lose doubt in your Maker nor your Examplar, always trust those that give thee light!
I really appreciate this article and the insight to members struggling with a crisis of faith! I am a trained counselor and have a private practice in TX. I often see members of the church experiencing such crisis of faith. I have heard story after story of my clients struggling to get the support they need from their bishops and stake presidents when undergoing crisises of faith. Clients I work with often feel more isolated and rejected by these leaders and they have often struggled to keep up church attendance during these struggles because they don’t feel loved and accepted where they are. I often try my best to validate their feelings and show them empathy but it is often not enough. Some clients that I have worked with have come back after a time of leaving but some have not yet returned. I have observed that clients that have more supportive, loving and Christlike leaders that accept them and love them through their struggles definitely have more success staying in church through a crisis of faith. I think there is something extremely powerful in a bishop or stake president that love someone unconditionally and has faith in them that they will figure things out. I wish more leaders understood Jesus Christ’s plan about moral agency and opted for allowing members to learn and grow in their own way and time over Satan’s plan of force and control. Thank you so much for this article! It is a wonderful aid to those of us working with members in a faith crisis. Also Liz if you read this, my heart goes out to you and I agree with everything you said in your comment! I wish you well in your journey of faith!