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Doug Nielsen is a psychotherapist, executive coach, and motivational speaker who decided from an early age to become a psychotherapist and speak to and teach others. In his practice, he works mostly with individuals battling depression, anxiety, addictions, and marital problems. In his coaching and speaking work, he works with small business owners all the way up to very high-earning professionals. He works with individuals as well as speaking to groups of 1000 or more individuals. He is also a published author of a book called “Take Life By the Helm” and has another one in the process of being written. He has served in multiple bishoprics and is currently on a high council. In this podcast episode, we discuss the book Wild at Heart by John Eldredge. The target audience of this book is mostly men, although women will benefit greatly by understanding better where a Christian man is coming from. Doug will be hosting a retreat in Liberty, Utah, November 8th-10th, 2018. For details on this retreat, please visit https://www.awarriorheart.com/
Highlights
17:30 – Introduction of some principles from the book “Wild at Heart”. A typical male heart naturally seeks:
- A battle to fight
- An adventure to live
- A beauty to rescue
18:30 – Discussing the principle of the male heart’s desire for a battle to fight and some discussion on helping self and an elders quorum to recalibrate after an encounter with a numb heart.
37:45 – Three questions to ask God and ways to incorporate these principles and promote vulnerability and realness into your elders quorum.
- How do you see me, Father? Do you like me?
- What are you up to in my life? What are you trying to teach me, Father?
- How can I glorify you? How can I bring praise to you?
39:50 – Discussing the principle of the male heart’s desire for an adventure to live. 41:20 – Discussing the principle of the male heart’s desire for a beauty to rescue. Some ways to approach talking to the women in our lives and helping them and engaging with them in meaningful ways. Discussion of slaying the natural man dragon within ourselves. How to define our mission in our relationships. 48:00 – Discussion on applying these principles in a ward or quorum. 50:00 – Discussion of the retreat and information on how to participate in this or a future retreat.
Links
- DougSpeaks.com
- Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secret to a Man’s Soul
- Take Life by the Helm! Proven Strategies for Gaining Control
- A Warrior Heart Retreat – Sign Up
I like the book Wild at Heart, but the men’s retreat based on the book is what really affected me for good. For the last six years I pushed God away through fear and doubt. I wavered between atheism and agnosticism. I tried therapy to resolve the emotional and relational challenges in my life. Attending a Wild at Heart retreat helped me reconnect with God and I’m on fire now, walking with God!
These retreats based on Wild at Heart are happening all over the country. You can find one here:
https://www.ransomedheart.com/basic
I highly, highly recommend reading the book and attending a retreat.
This was an out-of-the-box podcast with some hidden gems. I liked how Doug said that we shouldn’t kill the warrior heart in our boys as they will need that “fearsomeness” to get through life.
It reminded me of Alma’s counsel to his middle son, Shiblon, that he should BRIDLE not kill his passions. They are of benefit to those around us if used in control.
Interesting podcast, Kurt. I think LDS men have some advantages over the “world” in staying connected with archetypal male roles and characteristics, but I see a lot of men (especially 25-40) really struggling and some of that is just due to confusion about what kind of man they want to be, and what it means to be a man. I don’t think our current programs in the church address that completely, although there are some gems in conference talks, etc. I also think it is very important to have an enlightened view of the importance of partnering with our spouses, and partnering with the sisters in ward council and ward organizations. The changes in roles are not all bad, and if I were a father of daughter (which I’m not sadly!) I would want my daughter to have all of the benefits that have come about through the past 50 years in our society and in the church. In most ways, 2018 is far superior to the “good old days”.
One final note– I think you mis-characterized the Me Too movement in one of your comments in the podcast, Kurt. Me Too represents real pain, real abuse, and real courage for the people involved. The “danger” to well-intentioned men who treat women with respect is minimal. The whole point of Me Too, as I understand it anyway, is that taking advantage of a woman (or a man) in sexual ways, especially when there is a power differential, is NOT normal behavior, and is not what the majority of men do. Most men recognize that it is wrong and want to protect victims or potential victims. We do a great disservice to them when we minimize the importance of MeToo or when we jump on the bandwagon of people trying to justify bad behavior by the “What-if” situations of innocent men being accused. Some of that will happen, but if men are acting in responsible ways (especially within church callings– such as two deep leadership and proper interviewing procedures) we are very unlikely to become victims ourselves, and much more likely to protect victims. We can’t fall into the world’s trap of using worst-case scenarios to thwart those who would do good assume that their brothers and sisters are well-intentioned and good people.