Podcast: Play in new window | Download | Embed
Chris Raleigh grew up in Cottonwood Heights, Utah, and served in the Pennsylvania, Philadelphia Mission. He has a bachelor’s degree in Business, a master’s degree in Education, and has taught for 28 years in both public and private school settings—including 23 years as a Seminary and Institute instructor. His Church assignments have included callings in the elders quorum, Sunday School, high council, bishopric, and as a bishop and stake president. In his current assignment he serves with his wife, Peggy, on the Church’s Corrections Committee ministering to both church leaders and inmates in six county jails and the Central Utah Correctional Facility in Gunnison, Utah. Chris and Peggy have nine children and 14 grandchildren.
In this podcast, Chris candidly shares a decades-long struggle. His desire is to lend hope through the Atonement of Jesus Christ to the many men and women who feel trapped within the grasp of the illness called addiction. Trying to reverse four generations of addiction within his family has not been easy but he knows it is possible.
Highlights
1:30 Chris talks about his background and faith development
7:00 Family history of addiction
17:00 Chris’ personal story and struggle with pornography addiction
27:00 Chris was always looking for a “cure” for his problem. He thought teaching Seminary or becoming a bishop would help him but the struggle was always there.
30:30 Good people struggle with very hard things. It’s not about being flawless but worthy.
33:00 We normally see vulnerability as a strength in others but a weakness in ourselves.
34:00 Kurt and Chris discuss his time as a Bishop and his continual struggle to stay away from pornography. No matter how hard he tried it just kept coming back.
43:20 Becoming a stake president and dealing with his addiction
52:00 Getting to a place of healing and getting help from a general authority
55:15 Telling his wife and her struggle with betrayal trauma. Chris shares their marriage struggles.
59:45 Getting divorced, getting released as a stake president, and getting terminated as a seminary teacher. He continued to seek healing, recovery, and find blessings when life was falling apart.
1:04:45 Chris shares how God has blessed him for telling his story. He has rebuilt his life and remarried.
1:09:00 Chris had to walk a hard path to get where he is. He prayed for years and years to be rid of his addiction but he needed to go through treatment first. He had to be ready.
1:10:00 By healing and recovering, Chris is also helping his ancestors who struggled with addiction.
1:13:00 There is hope for everyone. However, addiction is an illness and it needs treatment.
1:16:45 The power of telling your story
1:17:45 To the lonely leader that is struggling with sin. The bravery to speak up.
Links
Listen to the follow-up conversation: What Sexual Addiction Recovery Actually Looks Like | An Interview with Steven Croshaw and Chris Raleigh
Read the transcript of this podcast
Get 14-day access to the Core Leader Library
This is one of the greatest interviews ever done, not only on Leading Saints, but the church worldwide. To Brother Raleigh, what an amazingly courageous man you are. Courage and humility come to my mind thinking about you. What courage you must have to tell your story.
This is a GROUNDBREAKING interview in my opinion. Absolutely groundbreaking. Brother Raleigh, your story will help so many people.
What I loved about your story is an important gospel principle. Satan hides in the dark. He wants sin to stay hidden in the dark. It’s not until you put sin in the light that it can be eradicated. But that takes huge courage because of our church culture. I hope one day, confession will be more accepted, normal and celebrated.
THANK YOU for allowing following God’s silent commandment to speak up. Because of that, many individual lives will be spiritually saved.
God bless you and thank you.
And thank you too Kurt for being the conduit to bring Brother Raleigh’s story to us.
Thank you very much David for your kind words.
Thank you Brother Raleigh. I’m so grateful for your willingness to be vulnerable. This is a challenge for so many and your story of faith during all the challenges is so inspirational. I’m sharing this podcast with a few I know who can benefit from your amazing journey. My heart felt such great love for you and your family. I hope you feel it in abundance. Thank you for your courage!! You became a modern day “Nephi” to me as I listened…
Thank you very much for your kindness. God is so good!
Thank you for your kindness! ????????????
This episode is already providing help in my ward. Thank you, Brother Raleigh, for your courage to tell your story. As a currently serving bishop, I listened with my ears (and heart) wide open. I want so desperately to help others with this illness.
Thank you for publishing this important episode, Kurt.
Thank you very much Bishop. It’s my hope to help. Please feel free to share this as often as you believe will helpful.
Thank you for being so brave and sharing your story. Your story is very similar to my husbands he has struggled through out our 38 years of marriage at times I felt I couldn’t do it anymore especially dealing with rebellious teenagers too I realized it was his way of dealing with stress he has been doing better lately it’s nice to hear a similar story and gain better understanding I appreciate your insights and testimony
Thank you very much for your courage to share.
Thank you very much.
Chris talks about his addiction to pornography but also mentions months of sobriety. I don’t follow how this qualifies as an addiction. Is it possible that some members in the Church have been conditioned to react to lapses of pornography with high levels of guilt and shame?
Russ, there’s a lot of talk in mental health circles about what qualifies for the term “addiction” because using that term could leave a person with a feeling of helplessness. And traditional definitions of “addiction” classify it as a “brain disorder.” But the broader definition is simply repeating an impulsive behavior knowing that it has destructive consequences. We can squabble about the use of the word, but I’m not sure how helpful it is.
And don’t you think it’s natural to have higher levels of guilt and shame when you relapse on anything that you’ve apologized to God about? I think it is.
Yes, I know I was. I hope that that shame can be lessened and people will not be so afraid to broach this topic. As far as qualifying as an addiction, all I know is that until the last three years I couldn’t ever get it behind me. My experience suggest to me that the brain plays a big role and science is now realizing that addiction lives in the brain. The craving chemicals are extremely powerful. That seems like this qualifies.
There’s some helpful information in Elder Oaks Oct 2015 talk “Recovering from the Trap of Pornography”: “Finally, it is important not to label even intensive or habitual use of pornography as an addiction because that does not accurately describe the circumstances or the full nature of the required repentance and recovery. Having a better understanding of where a person is in the process will also allow a better understanding of what action is necessary to recover.“
Wonderful interview that brings to light an issue that is a far bigger problem than many want to accept. My brother went from the bishopric stand on one Sunday to jail the next from issues that stemmed from pornography addiction. None of the family knew about it. He had tried to talk to a priesthood leader and was told, “So stop looking.” At his sentence hearing he commented that he always figured that if people knew they would stop loving him, but evidence to the opposite was there supporting him.
I wish there was more help available. People can drop off babies at the fire station with no repercussions. Suicide help lines are available. With the social problems this one addiction brings, I wish there was a way people that struggle with this could feel like they could safely reach out to get some good counsel and support.
Sharing is so liberating to the one suffering & the ones hearing it. Yes, there are those who don’t understand and can have problems with what you share for one reason or another, but it’s important to share.
My husband and I have a similar story, but we both got help from Life Star right away when he told me initially, 2 yrs into our marriage. It is good you have shared your leadership experiences. Thank you!
Thank you very much!
My heart is bursting with love and compassion!!! Thank you for sharing your incredible story!! Chris, this is your old friend and neighbor that lived across the street from you in cottonwood heights. Little Debbie Sandberg is what you called me!! You are a remarkable human being with great courage and faith. Your story was meant to be shared. What a gift you’ve given. God bless you and your family!
I would love to know what group you attend for addiction recovery and who you mentor for. We live in the same area and are looking for something like that. Thanks for sharing your story!
I admire Chris for telling his story of recovery. He was a front runner to a more healthy and helpful way of understanding addiction and moving out of shame to worthiness and faithfulness
I’m not sure why the interviwer kept going back to ‘how often did you mess up’ ‘was your marriage a strong one’ when the story was about: ‘nope going on a mission, getting a leadership calling didn’t fix it’ (etc) and ‘it rocked our marriage but we were working it’ and ‘in the end here is what did bring me to recovery’; And ‘here is how Heavenly Father blessed me to know I was in the right place at the right time even though a sinner’
What WERE the steps to recovery?
Recognizing why I was self medicating was key. Porn wasn’t the problem, it was my solution. With professional help and a lot of soul searching I started to identify the reasons I was self medicating and then invite Jesus Christ to help me heal those wounds. And it wasn’t just my wounds that needed healing but rather generational trauma, dysfunction and addiction that needed to be addressed and the journey still isn’t over yet. Weekly 12 Step Recovery Meetings are part of my life and always will be. If you’d like to learn more about this wonderful community of men striving for healing and recovery, please Google.. “SAL 12 Step Addiction Recovery”.
Thank you very much for your kind words and for reaching out.
Chris
Chris,
I was referred to Leading Saints by a friend that wanted me to listen to a particular podcast. While investigating the Leading Saints website I saw your photo and of course wanted to listen. I must admit that I was startled to see the topic of your podcast, knowing you, but not knowing your story.
I would like to share with you a byproduct of your struggle that you are more than likely unaware of, and that I just realized. After your release Debbie and I were called to serve in the Addiction Recovery Program by your successor. We served in ARP for nearly six years serving in Utah County. As a companionship, along with our regular duties, we started speaking in various Stakes and Wards as well as teaching the 12 Steps of Recovery to Ward Councils, Bishops Councils, High Councils, and general leadership. In a two year period Debbie and I presented the 12 Steps of Recovery from start to finish (this took twelve weeks per unit) to 1,300 members of the church. Even though we would invite many Stakes and Wards to participate in ARP training there were many that felt that silence on the topic of addiction was the best course of action. Our greatest response was within your previous Stake.
As I listened to this recording I was filled with many emotions. As I sorted through my thoughts I was impressed with the following prompting. The reason that our ARP efforts were so warmly received in the Stake was that your situation was so freshly imprinted in the minds and hearts of the new Stake leadership. This emotional connection enhanced their dedication to our efforts as missionaries. Our efforts in ARP uncovered the need for spouse and family healing through Family Support which we then began to teach to those in need.
Debbie and I still work with those who struggle with addiction on a case by case basis. Most dealing with pornography addiction. I feel that our efforts as missionaries in some odd way was indirectly in response to your situation that we knew nothing about. God uses all things to His own good, even our weaknesses.
I wish you continued success in your recovery and in your mortal journey.
Your friends,
Michael & Debbie
Dear Brother Malone,
Thank you very much for your kind words and deep insights. As time goes on, you’d think that it would get easier for me to have people I know and love from my home stake learn about my personal struggles, which existed while I served as their stake president. But it still stings. I don’t want people to be disappointed in me or to think less of me when they learn the truth of my battle. Our only hope is found in Jesus Christ, who instructed me to share this story. My podcast, which was published nearly a year ago, has offered hope to countless individuals and that is worth any price our family has had to endure. The older I get, the more I realize why we’ll praise His name forever!
Thank you!
Michael, Did I understand correctly, you taught the 12 step program, meaning the entire 12 week course to ward councils? To High Councils? Bishop Councils? What did that look like amongst all the other meetings they are involved in? Did they commit to a weekly schedule for 12 weeks in addition to the other meetings and assignments?
Chris,
I have listened to your interview several times now and each time it gives me a boost for my recovery. I, like you suffered for decades with nowhere to turn for real help. In 2017 I attend my first ARP meeting and life has improved drastically. I continue to learn and improve, knowing that The Lord loves me and is and always has been there for and with me. I so appreciate your testimony of not only the Savior but of your desire to share your story! Thank You!
Thank you very much Bob for your kind words. The Lord has great compassion for those of us who struggle with addictive behaviors. This issue is very complex and it’s my prayer that coming forward to seek help might be met with more compassion and less contempt.
Chris