Last week, I delved into a fascinating perspective on empathy from Paul Bloom’s book, Against Empathy: The Case for Rational Compassion.
Discouraging the use of empathy in leadership is a challenging argument, especially since we’ve often seen empathy as a key element that brings humanity to the forefront.
However, being human introduces its own set of complications.
For instance, we are inherently emotional beings.
When important decisions need to be made based on logic, data, and rationality, empathy can become an obstacle due to its emotionally triggering nature.
In his book, Bloom refers to this as “spotlighting,” where the broader vision or greater good is overshadowed by the emotional pain of a particular group or individual.
Yes, a leader must still be empathetic on a personal level.
When someone is hurting or struggling and reaches out to the leader, the leader needs to be present with them (or find someone else who can be).
They need to listen, empathize, and show love.
However, if the emotions of the situation begin to dominate the leader’s role or overshadow the greater vision of the organization, the leader must have the maturity to establish boundaries to separate from the emotion.
Years ago, during my first year of marriage, I lived in a ward where a refugee mother with several children moved in.
I was assigned as her home teacher (ministering brother) and was eager to help.
One evening, I was invited to a meeting in the bishop’s office.
Upon arrival, I discovered that I was part of a larger group focused on helping this refugee mother and her family.
The group included the full bishopric, the Relief Society president, the elders quorum president, and a few other individuals whose roles I can’t recall.
We spent well over an hour analyzing how we could assist this mother.
We assessed her needs and struggles, many of which were due to her situation, but more and more issues were being created by the mother herself.
It was a tough and heavy situation.
During the meeting, the bishop had an epiphany.
He realized that out of all the individuals in his ward, 80-90% of his time and focus were dedicated to this one family.
This didn’t mean that other issues in the ward had disappeared.
The empathy spotlighting effect had taken over.
The emotional weight of this refugee situation had become the dominant focus of the ward, causing the ward to lose its vision and identity.
We wanted to help, but failed to recognize the broader impact the situation was having on the ward’s culture.
Of course, the bishop didn’t dismiss this sweet refugee family or ignore them altogether.
There were still many opportunities to love this family and help them feel part of our community.
However, for the greater good, the bishop and ward council had to step back, restructure their approach, and keep the emotional aspects in check.
Leadership is rewarding because it offers a unique opportunity to love and support people.
However, it is also challenging because you must sometimes say no when emotions threaten to drive the vision.
By balancing empathy with rational compassion, leaders can ensure they are making decisions that benefit the greater good while still showing care and support on a personal level.
Sincerely,
Kurt Francom
Executive Director
Leading Saints
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