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On a scale from 1 to 10 how well does your ward members know each other?
During a 3rd hour 5th Sunday lesson we had a short activity that was quite telling. As the bishop, I allowed everyone to settle into their chairs where ever they wished. Many sat by friends or spouses, others found any available seat. During the lesson I randomly seated everyone into groups of four. I then had each person rate on a scale from 1-10 how well they knew the other three people in their group (1 = just met, 10 = BEST FRIENDS FOREVER!!!). I then asked the group to add up and find the average rating between the four group members. We then wrote down each average on the board and then took the average of the entire room.
My ward is generally friendly so I anticipated the average to be 5 or 6. I was shocked when the average came out as 2.5. Two point five!?!? We then discussed ways to improve that average.
Imagine if the fellowship average was a strong 8 or 9. Think of what a new member of the ward would experience as they walked into the chapel for the first time? They would never want to leave or they would for sure look forward to attending the following week.
Is a 9 or 10 possible? I think so. If not, it is worth trying for.
I challenge you to put your elders quorum or Relief Society through this experiment. Post your findings below. If you are above 7 I want to visit your ward and see what you are doing right.
When I was Relief Society President, I reorganized the visiting teaching routes and was shocked at the reactions from the sisters. They didn't want to visit teach someone else. They had been visiting certain sisters for 40 years, and they didn't want to have new sisters. The Bishop had to come into Relief Society and give them what for — and it still didn't settle down. It took a full year before people finally began to understand there was a purpose to my madness. One sister came up to me and said, "I don't even know who this person is!" I grabbed her arm, walked her to the other side of the room, introduced her to the sister I'd put on her list, and said, "You two have been sitting in this room for FIVE YEARS. It's time you got to know one another."
My recent post Mystery Morning
The 'Cool Kids' are 9 and 10 – those in the periphery are 1-2 – The biggest problems are those outside the larger social circles. People who are not naturally gifted in the 'friendship' area. Many, many people are scared to approach and talk to people, they are nervous, and are petrified to reach out. However, I'd say nearly all of them can be reached out TO….
The Cool Kids need to stop congregating with the Cool Kids, (we need to leave High School behind) and start inviting non-cool kids into their homes, include everyone in the cool kids table.
I remember going to a movie one night with my wife, we showed up and there were at least 15 couples from our ward there… It was a bit awkward, obviously we didn't get the invite, but after talking a bit, found out that this was pretty common. How, again, do the cool kids get those invites?
Wow! Yeah, that would have been awkward.
There was a nice young man in our ward who invited all the boys in his quorum, plus other young men from church to his annual birthday party….all except for my son who was in his quorum and was on good terms with him.
Every year, my son felt the sting of rejection.
There are natural cliques in every ward. It’s good and bad. People need best friends, but they should also try to open up their circle and invite others.
I like this idea. It could also be used on an auxiliary level, especially young women. I find teenagers aren’t always aware that they are leaving someone out or being exclusive. Something like this could lead them to self-discover that they need to reach out more.
We did the fellowship rating in my ward today. Our score was 3.95, which is much higher than any of us in the bishopric thought it would be. Then we, in those groups of four that did the rating, talked about how to increase ward unity and fellowshipping. It was a good lesson. Good fifth Sunday idea. Thank you for your podcast and sharing the cool things you are doing.