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Let’s face it! The only people that are qualified to be bishop are those that have a PhD in human psychology, a masters in Family Relations, and an MBA from Stanford for good measure. The type of problems and crises church leaders face are sometimes staggering. Thankfully, each bishop holds the priesthood, is blessed with keys, and has awesome support (counselors, ward council, etc.). President Monson put it best, “Whom the Lord calls, the Lord qualifies.” Because of this, there are many bishops who are no more than trained plumbers, lawyers, salesmen, or even high school dropouts. Even though the Lord qualifies leaders to serve in their capacity doesn’t mean he qualifies them in the minds of those they lead.
I recently read a book called Permission Marketing. As I read the book there was a consistent thought that applied to church leadership—that is: to find more opportunities to ask those you lead for permission to be their leader. For example, just because you are the bishop does not mean members of your ward feel comfortable setting an appointment and sharing their deepest struggles with you. Many look at you as what you appear to be—just a plumber.
If Thou Be the [Relief Society President], Tell Us Plainly
Let’s take the perspective of the Relief Society. In the scriptures we learn followers of Christ know His voice and follow Him.
In John chapter 10 it states:
23 And Jesus walked in the temple in Solomon’s porch.
24 Then came the Jews round about him, and said unto him, How long dost thou make us to doubt? If thou be the Christ, tell us plainly.
25 Jesus answered them, I told you, and ye believed not: the works that I do in my Father’s name, they bear witness of me.
26 But ye believe not, because ye are not of my sheep, as I said unto you.
27 My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me:
When you are called to leadership you are given the title, but that doesn’t mean they “hear [your] voice…and follow [you].” Many in the Relief Society are subconsciously asking, “If thou be the [Relief Society president], tell us plainly.” Or in other words, “give us reason to follow you.”
Gaining Permission to Lead
Getting those in your group to cross the chasm of trust and give you permission to be their leader is not an easy task—nor is there a perfect solution for all cases. This is accomplished through prayer and asking the Lord for spiritual direction on how to approach each situation. More often than not, the opportunity to win their permission happens on a one-to-one level. Reaching out to them specifically validates them and lets them know that you care.
There may be times when you hear an individual is frustrated with your leadership style or a specific program you are pushing. These negative comments do not always mean that the person has a bad attitude and needs to repent. It simply means that you haven’t earned their permission to be their leader. Acknowledge that stage of the relationship and make plans to earn that permission through one-to-one contact.
Other individuals don’t even realize that they haven’t given you permission to lead them. For this reason, it is important you are constantly working to reach out to individuals and validate them. I can think of many experiences when I reached out to an individual through a letter, or a phone call, or simply tried to get to know them briefly in the church hallway. Many of those people have scheduled appointments with me to discuss specific struggles. They never would have sought me out if I didn’t first seek them out to “ask permission to be their bishop.”
I completely agree with you on the need for reaching out to individuals. Building those relationships has additional benefits, as it brings a Ward closer together. In addition, I would advise Ward leaders that they not "wait" until they receive permission to lead. For a myriad of reasons, the Lord has placed you in this calling. He needs you to lead (and serve). Paralysis while you wait for "permission" isn't good, in my opinion.
Thanks for the great observations ; )
Really good post!
I totally agree with it. I wouldn't say people would not give you permission to be their leader just because their professional level or employment status. It goes beyond that… In my personal experience, maybe I'm more cautious than I should in life when trusting people and share my personal life and issues with them. Especially with leaders. As you said, it requires the leader to first, gain the spiritual guidance and power required to get other people's attention and respect and then, expect them to trust them and give them that permission he needs to fulfill his responsabilities and the ward/stake goals and objectives.
I'd agree in some way with Neal's point. while you wait for "permission" isn't good at all, but if that leader doesn't do his job in getting that guidance and personal preparation to act without permission, I think he makes more damage than good.
I've been approached in the past by ward/stake leaders in such horrible ways. I'm convinced it wasn't their intention, but the way they showed their leadership made such a bad, bad, bad impression in my life. It showed me the lack of guidance and that spiritual touch required to approach members in those "one-to-one" private moment, or even in public.
I know you were being tongue-in-cheek with your introduction, but in my opinion a bishop who had a PhD in psychology, a masters in family relations and an MBA, AND who thought himself qualified, would really struggle to make things happen as a bishop. Secular knowledge is often helpful, and can increase revelation, but it can also become a source of pride and give one a sense of spiritual self-sufficiency. When faced with a relationship issue, for example, he might be tempted to bypass the difficult and lengthy process of seeking and obtaining revelation, relying instead on pre-packaged answers from his secular knowledge and experience. To paraphrase Jacob, to be instructed is good, if one hearkens to the word of the Lord 🙂
My recent post Connecting people
I think this is a great point. Not to back up too much, but I believe the best time to "ask" people to follow you is before you are called to be a leader. Do your home teaching, volunteer for service opportunities . Have those relationships in place before your called.
Being a newly called young bishop, there are a lot of times I have had to let other leaders know that they just need to trust me. If they knew both sides of the story or could see the big picture their opinion would be different.
How about gaining permission to serve?
I don't look at a bishop as a leader. I look at him as a servant. I really don't want bishops who are "pushing specific programs".
If he will gain permission to serve, maybe the permission to lead will follow naturally later.
As a family history consultant, I have a different but important leadership role in the church. I must work within the frame work the ward council and High Priest Group leader sets while also being viewed as the leader of the work. My role is to inspire others to want to play their part in the great and vast work of family history which strengthens and deepens our understanding of God’s eternal plan of happiness and the atonement. It’s much more than collecting names, dates, and places!
In order to lead, I must gain people’s trust. I can not brow beat or guilt trip them about doing their family history. Rather, I must listen and come to know where they are at, where the family research is at, and learn where they can fit in the overall plan. When I understand them, they are more willing to listen to me (and really the Holy Ghost working through me). When I have gained their trust, I have received their permission, as you say, to lead them.
It takes time. It takes patience. It also takes less programs and more personal interaction. All things everyone is saying, but applicable in any calling.
Thanks for re-sharing your old content. There is so much to learn!
It takes time to get that permission and I agree wholeheartedly that it’s done on a one on one basis. We have to consistently keep our promises and show up in people’s lives. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this!