Esther Bristol has served as the activities leader for girls ages 8-11, Relief Society teacher, and is currently serving as the Relief Society secretary in her Ward and as the Young Single Adult (YSA) Representative for her stake. She has moved back and forth between Utah and North Dakota several times with occasional periods in Idaho. She went to school for Visual Communication, and her current occupation is development coordinator for a non-profit hunting organization called Delta Waterfowl. (But the only hunting she does is for hidden mini resin ducks around the office).

Enter Esther…

“I’m sorry.”

These are the words I hear every time I am called to a new calling. Yet, let’s remember that the introductory overview for the General Handbook: Serving in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints states,

“As a leader in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, you should seek personal revelation to help you learn and fulfill the duties of your calling.”

We believe that prayer and scripture study are necessary to understanding the will of the Lord in helping to further His work in “[bringing] to pass the immortality and eternal life of man”  (Moses 1:39). Our aim in fulfilling our callings is to provide loving, safe spaces that remind people of Christ.

Does this always happen?

No. We are human too. But God loves all His children everywhere. He loves you. He loves me. He loves the neighbor who plays their loud music until the early hours of the morning. He loves the little old lady who stands talking with the mailman for half an hour because she’s lonely. He loves the playground bully, and the child who went home with a black eye. So, our callings are to help each in the best ways we can.

God Qualifies Us

As President Russell M. Nelson says,

 “We may be led to some who have never believed in God or Jesus Christ but who are now yearning to learn about Them and Their plan of happiness. Others may have been ‘born in the covenant’ but have since wandered away from the covenant path. They may now be ready to repent, return, and let God prevail. We can assist them by welcoming them with open arms and hearts. And some to whom we may be led may have always felt there was something missing in their lives. They too are longing for the wholeness and joy that come to those who are willing to let God prevail in their lives.”

I strive every day to let God prevail in my life while I try to help others around me. I don’t always succeed. There are many times that I get stuck in my own head and think, “Was I being too pushy?”, “I hope they know I wasn’t trying to be weird,” or “I could have done that better.” I never feel like I’m good enough for the callings I have. As far as I know, no one does. If you do, you are more the exception than the rule because from my experience, God doesn’t call those who are qualified for the role He wants them to fill. He calls the unqualified, then qualifies them with experience. It is not always rainbows and sunshine, but neither is it doom and gloom. Elder Steven D. Shumway of the Quorum of the Seventy said,

“The Lord’s promise is compelling that callings, ministering, temple worship, following promptings, and other ways we embark in God’s work uniquely prepare us to meet the Savior.”

Later in his talk, he said,

“Selflessly serving is the very essence of Christ-like discipleship. But serving is rarely convenient. This is why I admire you covenant-keeping disciples…who set aside your desires and challenges to serve God by serving His children.”

The Blessings of Service

The scriptures are replete with blessings that await those who willingly and selflessly serve God’s children—all of us. So, with such great blessings in store, why do we often say “I’m sorry” when someone we know is called to serve as a bishop, a nursery leader, or serve a full-time mission? Shouldn’t we be excited for the blessings they are bound to receive?

God’s Plan of Growth

Over the last five years I have received several callings. They have included activities leader for girls, Relief Society teacher, and now Relief Society secretary. In addition, I have also recently been called to serve as a YSA representative for our stake.

Anyone who knows me knows I have mixed feelings about my relationships with both the Relief Society and the YSA. They stem mainly from the life-plan I gave myself when I was five years old: that I would be a good student, graduate high school, go to college, get married and start a family, and graduate college. The end.

I graduated from college at 24 with only a handful of dates on my punch card and no experience with a long-term boyfriend or any prospect of one. I was baffled by what I thought was men’s lack of good taste, then wondered if maybe there was something off-putting about me, and finally towards the end of my twenties, I was coming to grips with the fact that I may age out of the YSA without having found an eternal companion. Then the Church raised the age limit on the YSA from 18-30 to 18-35, and I found myself stuck with “the babies” for almost another five years. I was angry and bitter, and because I live outside of Utah and Idaho where there are a lot of YSA wards and activities, I felt there really wasn’t a lot of support for us here anyway.

My relationship with the Relief Society took on a similar, if slightly-less-bitter trajectory. After I graduated from college, I ended up far from my family in a family ward where I was frequently invisible. No one brought me cookies on holidays. Few asked me to come over for dinner. Once in a while someone would ask me to do something like help clean the church or bring a specific dish to a potluck. But often, no one asked me to do anything because I didn’t have the help of a family. I often felt lonely and even though I could do things to help, I found I was either taken advantage of because I didn’t have kids and it was assumed I had all the time in the world, or I was never called because I was forgotten about, being just one person.

I didn’t truly feel like a part of my ward until I was given the calling to serve as activities leader for girls. Kids are easy to spend time with. They are blunt, saying whatever comes into their heads, and entertaining them can be as easy as letting them run wild in the gym for 20 minutes after a 5-minute lesson and a 15-minute craft. I enjoyed that calling immensely and was sad when I was released, but I had grown a lot because of it and it was time to allow someone else to grow.

Practicing Our Humanity

When I was called to be Relief Society teacher, I had an idea for about a week before I was officially called that I might be good at teaching. When I received the calling, I assumed my premonition was actually God letting me know His plans for me in advance. I was grateful and excited to be able to stretch myself this way. I’m a selectively extroverted introvert and I rarely have an opportunity to say what I think in respectful and meaningful ways without feeling like I’m inserting myself where I’m not wanted. I thought this would be a good experience to practice sharing my thoughts and inviting discussion.

When my calling was announced on Sunday, my friends’ first words were, “I’m sorry,” and “My condolences.” I was a little confused, not to mention annoyed. I knew neither of them wanted the calling I had been given, but I didn’t think I had ever said or done anything to indicate I would dislike this calling in particular. One of my friends had recently asked to be released as Relief Society secretary and felt some animosity towards the Relief Society, so I could understand her condolences in a vague sort of way. Still, I was upset that this should be her reaction to my opportunity for growth. I went home and tried to put it out of my mind. It happened again a year and a half later when I was called to be Relief Society secretary, and yet again when I was called to be YSA representative. Friends apologized that I had to have those callings, and I wondered how apologizing would help sustain anyone in their calling.

True Sustaining

While we believe God is the giver of the callings through our bishops and stake presidents, it is also part of our belief that members should agree to sustain and support those in callings in their wards, branches, or stakes. Raising your right hand in church when someone receives a calling is not a vote on whether or not that person gets the calling. President Henry B. Eyring said,

“You choose whether to sustain all whom the Lord calls—in whatever the Lord has called them. That choice happens in conferences around the world. It has happened in this one. In such meetings, names of men and women—servants of God—are read, and you are invited to raise your hand to sustain. You can withhold your sustaining vote, or you can pledge your sustaining faith. By raising your hand to sustain, you make a promise. You make a promise with God, whose servants these are, that you will sustain them.

These are imperfect human beings, as are you. Keeping your promises will take unshakeable faith that the Lord called them. Keeping those promises will also bring eternal happiness. Not keeping them will bring sorrow to you and to those you love—and even losses beyond your power to imagine.”

Growing Outward

When my friends pitied me for having to have callings, I was frustrated with their lack of understanding. Of course I wasn’t entirely looking forward to the calling. They knew as much as I did that I had mixed feelings about giving so much of my time freely to the Relief Society and to the YSA, both of which I was somewhat embittered towards. But what my friends still don’t understand is that I cannot grow out of my embitterment if I don’t try. I have to accept these callings because otherwise I won’t just be letting down my bishop or stake president. I will be letting my God down.

Queen Esther’s Example

Growing up, I read the story of Queen Esther often because she is my namesake. Just as the Jews were about to be destroyed, Esther’s uncle Mordecai asked her to go to the king and beg for mercy. At that time, there was a law stating that any who went before the king uninvited would be killed, and Esther reminded Mordecai of this. Mordecai’s answer has stuck with me all my life as I have prepared to serve God in various callings.

“Then Mordecai commanded to answer Esther, Think not with thyself that thou shalt escape in the king’s house, more than all the Jews.”

“For if thou altogether holdest thy peace at this time, then shall there enlargement and deliverance arise to the Jews from another place; but thou and thy father’s house shall be destroyed: and who knoweth whether thou art come to the kingdom for such a time as this?” (Esther 4:13-14)

Because Esther stood before the king uninvited, she could have been killed, but instead saved herself and all her people. By accepting callings, we are allowing not only ourselves to grow, but to help others around us. By sustaining and supporting others around us, we are agreeing to encourage and help them.

Mordecai could have said, “Sorry you have to go to your death, Esther,” and left it at that. But he didn’t. He and the other Jews prayed and fasted for Esther while she prepared to talk to the king, giving her the strength and support she needed to face him.

The Doctrine and Covenants teaches,

“Behold, there are many called, but few are chosen. And why are they not chosen?”

We often quote this scripture, but we don’t often quote the answer to the question posed at the end.

“Because their hearts are set so much upon the things of this world, and aspire to the honors of men, that they do not learn this one lesson— “That the rights of the priesthood are inseparably connected with the powers of heaven…” (D&C 121:34-36)

Serving and Sustaining

If we want the blessings and the benefits that come from the Lord’s church, we have to be willing to serve—in callings and out. The Lord knows what we are capable of. He will not ask us for more than we are able to give, but it may not be comfortable. Still, if we are to be ready when He comes again, we must strive for pureness in ourselves and encourage those around us to seek it too.

So the next time that someone says, “I’m sorry,” when I am given a calling, I have my answer ready.

”Why?” I’ll say. “Why are you sorry that I am serving my Lord and my God? Why are you sorry that I am giving myself the opportunity to grow? Why are you sorry that I know the Lord will qualify me even if I’m not good at my calling currently?”

Because I know that God will qualify me for service I can’t yet perform. I know that He does only give us what we can handle. I know that only by trying can I succeed. And I can’t wait to hear their answer.