Ministering to the Afflicted | Interviews with Heather Choate and Shanda Miller

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Heather Choate

Heather is the mother of seven children, with another on the way. She was diagnosed with breast cancer at age 29 while pregnant with her sixth child and had both chemotherapy and surgery during the pregnancy, followed by multiple rounds of chemo and radiation treatments. The baby survived and Heather later wrote a book about the experience. The Choate family lives in Pueblo, Colorado, where Heather is currently a Relief Society teacher.

Highlights

6:00 Heather found an aggressive form of hormone-sensitive breast cancer at age 29 while pregnant with their sixth child, and they were told to abort the baby to stop the hormones that were feeding the cancer. Went through four rounds of chemotherapy and surgery while pregnant. 10:55 No doubts about the decision despite doubts that she could handle it herself 12:30 Most difficult moment was going alone into surgery at 28-weeks in the pregnancy; surrendered the life of her child into God’s hands 16:30 Treatment began again six days after she gave birth, and the intense chemotherapy, radiation, and surgery began again—this time with a newborn and young family of eight 18:30 The feeling of “I don’t know what to do” was mutual and she was challenged and humbled with accepting help; be aware of that feeling and be willing to ask what can be done 21:30 The ward made it possible for her husband to be home with the family for four months 23:00 Seemingly-small things can be profound for everyone involved 26:00 Listen for guidance from the Spirit and be open to the answers, and God will provide them

Shanda Miller

Shanda grew up in Brigham City, Utah, and served a mission to Chicago, Illinois. She and her husband have three children—including twins—and went through six years of infertility. Shanda went into labor 23 weeks into the pregnancy with the twins (Memphis and Savannah), who were born four months early. They are now 2.5 years old. Memphis spent eight months in the hospital, has had eleven surgeries, and is deaf and nearly blind. Savannah spent seven months in the hospital, has hydrocephalus, and has had twelve surgeries. They both also have cerebral palsy as well as mental and physical delays.

Highlights

28:35 Three kids through invitro fertilization and thrilled they were having twins 30:45 At 23 weeks in the pregnancy, prior to the time of viability, she went into labor and they were told they had to choose between letting the children be born, holding them, and letting them go, or fighting through intense medical treatment with only a 10% chance that they would even survive 33:00 They made it to 24 weeks and she had an emergency c-section; two difficult days to work through the difficulty of making that choice 38:00 Still moving forward with faith through challenges 40:15 Unexpected so there was no plan and they did not even know what they needed; the ward took care of their daughter Lila so Shanda could spend her time at the NICU, and then someone came every morning and every evening after the babies were home just to help with whatever was needed 44:10 She was also exhausted from asking for help; the ward paid for postpartum doulas to continue coming and supporting Shanda 47:00 Needs changed and the ward was open to working through that, being aware, checking in, talking sincerely, and observing what was needed—often before they even realized what they needed—from both the Relief Society and elders quorum 50:00 Difficulty of asking for and accepting help; it’s too easy to say, “We’re fine”; if you think of something they might need, it’s probably inspiration and they probably need it 52:00 Passed lists through meetings; practice vulnerability and be open to negotiating what can and should be done as time passes 54:40 They felt the need to give back and looked for their own small ways to serve others; service fatigue and receiving fatigue 57:00 Unity with the ward has come through their service together; letting others in and being vulnerable leads to interdependence 58:30 Sit with people, be real, observe, and check in instead of simply making a checklist