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Tony Overbay is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, a Certified Mindful Habit Coach, author, motivational speaker and the host of the award-winning podcast, The Virtual Couch. Tony is a convert to the church and has served as a Young Men president twice, taught early morning seminary for seven years, and started a Pornography Addiction Support Group in his stake. Beckie Hennessy is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, has been a therapist since 2007, and currently owns BRICKS Family Counseling, Inc. She has a podcast called The Path of Imperfection (changing soon to The Path of Connection) and has written a book, Ministering Through Connection. She currently serves as a Stake Young Women president. 
Highlights
9:45 Anxiety in the times of Covid-19, and how anxiety can be confused with personal revelation 12:55 The unknown leads our minds to cognitive bias and confirmation bias, which then results in polarization 15:35 Anxiety that comes from what our minds think we are missing 16:25 Everyone is experiencing anxiety and worry because that’s what our brains do 18:30 Defaulting to agency and letting people choose how they will act 21:00 Framing the discussion by asking open-ended questions instead of shutting down people with assumptions 22:05 Empathy, being heard, and agreeing/being on the same team 26:45 The sacrament experience with church at home and how this can change how we approach the sacrament when returning to church at church: resetting our experience 34:20 Resetting the church culture 36:25 What about cleaning in the nursery? 37:35 Values pizza and how it could be applied to holding sacrament meetings 42:25 Defaulting to the socially compliant pizzas, and corrupting the culture with rules 43:50 Psychological reactants: instant negative reaction to being told what to do 46:20 TFTs: Terrible First Times and restructuring according to our values 49:25 Everyone is doing the best they can 51:30 Paying attention to the Spirit more than paying attention to what is happening around you, and identifying a focal point for the meeting 55:00 Handling feedback with empathy then counseling with others before making a decision 59:40 Story of using empathy with the ward member who wanted the air conditioning off 1:02:20 Spiritual trump cards from a leader’s standpoint 1:06:45 The Holy Ghost card/personal revelation and anxiety coming from an individual’s standpoint 1:12:00 Beckie’s experience with anxiety and returning to church: the need to be heard 1:17:30 Truth, Beauty, and Goodness: finding these values in the ward experience amidst change 1:29:30 The Measuring Stick and creating shame glitter: dangers of using behavior to determine truth of doctrine, to measure how well we are doing as leaders, or to measure someone’s righteousness 1:34:45 Shame has no part in unconditional love and the Atonement
Links
Beckie on Instagram: beckie.hennessy.lcsw The Path of Imperfection/The Path of Connection podcast BeckieHennessy.com The Virtual Couch Podcast TonyOverbay.com Tony on Instagram: virtualcouch He’s a Porn Addict…Now What?: An Expert and a Former Addict Answer Your Questions, by Joshua Shea and Tony Overbay
Loved this podcast: so many useful comments that I sincerely hope are considered. All three of you were simply magnificent.
Of great interest to me: I am a former leader, and currently a stake seminary teacher fully expecting a release now that the school year has ended. My wife, however, is a Primary president. We’ve both listened to this podcast and talked about it. I encouraged her to share it with her ward council to stimulate discussion and she has resisted that because she feels nobody on the council thinks this way, especially the bishop, and it’ll make her even more of a problem child on the council.
Please, please: keep having this kind of discussion. Change is slow and painful, but so, so needed. We have made strides in the past decades in our church culture, which means that we can continue to do so into the future. All of our leaders are doing their best, but so many feel like they are barely keeping their heads above water. Gaining your insights and perspectives and learning from the experiences of the thousands that have gone before them gives lay leaders tools to meet the needs of a rapidly changing church.
I so appreciate each of you and all you are doing to make the world a better place. I love Leading Saints and the Virtual Couch, and now have found a new podcast to listen to. Thanks for helping me become a more effective leader.