As Church leaders, we often encounter members who are wrestling with life’s challenges, trying to align their lives with gospel teachings but finding the road daunting. These moments can test the boundaries between our desire to lead with love and the duty to uphold gospel principles. We might worry that offering compassion could be misinterpreted as condoning choices that diverge from Christ’s teachings. However, true discipleship invites us to show love while still upholding divine standards.
In this journey of compassion and truth, President Russell M. Nelson reminds us,
“The Lord loves effort because effort brings rewards that can’t come without it”
His words highlight a key insight: as leaders, our efforts to love unconditionally do not equate to an endorsement of choices that may lead members away from covenant paths. Instead, our compassion can encourage those who struggle, inspiring the effort required for spiritual growth.
Here are a few practical insights and tools to help leaders and members show love without compromising gospel principles. Through examples, scriptures, and wise counsel from our modern-day prophets, we can find balance in this challenging yet sacred responsibility.
Recognize That Love Is Never Wasted
True love, patterned after the Savior’s love, always uplifts, heals, and invites growth. We are able to show kindness and caring by sincerely listening and understanding others without feeling obligated to endorse actions that may not align with gospel principles.
Additionally, rather than focusing solely on the problem, we can approach with genuine interest, wanting to know about their dreams, strengths, and fears. This empathy won’t resolve the problem overnight, but it can kindle hope and trust. With kindness and boundaries, we can maintain our role as a shepherd while respecting the person’s agency.
Strive to embrace a mindset of “ministering, not managing.” Ministering invites us to connect as brothers and sisters in Christ, regardless of the spiritual state of the individual. Look for the divine potential in each person and remember that our love has power, even if we may not see immediate change.
Set Boundaries That Reflect Christ’s Teachings
While Jesus loved unconditionally, He never shied away from teaching truth. Recall the account of the woman taken in adultery. Christ said to her, “Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more” (John 8:11). His words were filled with compassion, yet they contained an invitation to realign her life with divine standards.
Setting boundaries does not mean abandoning kindness; it means preserving the sacredness of our covenants while maintaining relationships. Leaders who set clear, loving boundaries can guide members without creating confusion or conflict. When members know that we value them as individuals, they can better receive truth as an expression of love rather than judgment.
Be clear in expressing both love and expectations. For example, if a member approaches you about a behavior or decision they feel uneasy about, you might say, “I appreciate that you shared this with me, and I am here to support you. Let’s talk about the principles that will help you draw closer to Christ.”
Lead with Empathy, Not Sympathy
Empathy invites us to sit beside others and seek to understand their perspective. Sympathy, however, may lead us to feel pressured to “fix” their situation or endorse their choices. Empathy opens the door to Christlike ministering. It allows us to “mourn with those that mourn” (Mosiah 18:9) while gently encouraging them to find peace in Christ.
When a member confides in you about doubts or struggles, start by acknowledging the courage it takes to share such experiences. Create an environment where they feel safe to open up about their challenges without fear of immediate correction. Empathy, combined with a gospel-centered approach, can help others feel that they’re valued even as they work through difficulties.
It is helpful to use phrases like, “I can see that this is weighing on your heart. Thank you for trusting me with it.” Such words foster a compassionate connection that opens doors for more impactful ministering.
Be a Guide Rather Than a Judge
Our Savior was a master of inviting, not coercing. He presented gospel principles and invited individuals to make their own choices, allowing for personal agency. By respecting agency, we convey confidence in the member’s capacity to progress and feel the Lord’s love for them.
When we approach members as guides rather than judges, we place faith in their spiritual potential and encourage growth without compromising on truth. Church handbooks offer clear guidance on maintaining doctrinal integrity while emphasizing Christlike love. Leaders can feel confident offering this counsel, knowing it doesn’t reduce love but rather enhances the member’s ability to find truth for themselves.
When we ask thoughtful, non-judgmental questions, like, “How do you feel about your decision? How can I support you in strengthening your relationship with the Lord?”
Offer Resources and Encourage Accountability
One valuable way to help others stay on a gospel-centered path is by connecting them with resources that provide support. Directing members to scripture study, counseling services, self-reliance classes, or addiction recovery programs can empower them to make progress. When members see that we believe in their ability to seek improvement, they often feel inspired to take action.
Leaders should also maintain accountability through regular, gentle check-ins. By following up, we communicate our genuine interest in the individual’s journey. Just as Christ walks with us daily, we can support members regularly, which strengthens their desire to align with gospel teachings.
Several ways we could be a resource is to offer to study a gospel topic with a member or invite them to join a support group. Express that you’re there to walk alongside them, not to carry their burden for them, as this will help them take ownership of their spiritual path.
Seek the Spirit’s Guidance
It can be challenging to discern how best to support members who may stray from gospel standards. Leaders are wise to invite the Spirit’s guidance in each unique situation. President Nelson has taught,
“Our efforts to hear Him need to be ever more intentional”
As we strive to hear the Spirit, we become more capable instruments of the Lord, responding in ways that are loving, wise, and doctrinally sound.
Prayer and spiritual preparation are invaluable tools. When leaders make a habit of personal scripture study, temple worship, and earnest prayer, they’re more attuned to the needs of their flock. The Spirit will guide us on when to speak, when to listen, and when to gently correct with love.
As we pray specifically for those you minister to, the Spirit will help you discern the most Christlike responses for each individual.
Focus on the Eternal Potential of Each Member
In each person lies divine potential, an eternal identity that may sometimes become obscured by the trials and temptations of mortality. Leaders can draw upon this understanding to see beyond current struggles and believe in each member’s capacity for change. When leaders view others as sons and daughters of God, they can more easily separate the individual from their choices and love them unconditionally.
When we keep an eternal perspective, we’re less likely to feel discouraged by setbacks and more inclined to celebrate small steps forward. By affirming the divine worth of each member, we create a spiritual atmosphere that encourages repentance, healing, and growth.
Thus, we should strive to regularly remind members of their divine heritage in meetings and one-on-one conversations. Express confidence in their capacity to return to gospel principles, and they may begin to see that potential within themselves.
Embodying Christ’s Love
Navigating the balance between love and adherence to gospel standards is challenging but achievable. Through the example of the Savior, Church leaders can offer support without compromising doctrine, creating spaces where members feel loved and accepted. When our love aligns with the Lord’s love, it invites true repentance and change.
President Nelson’s words resound in this delicate work:
“The joy we feel has little to do with the circumstances of our lives and everything to do with the focus of our lives”
By focusing on Christlike love and consistent boundaries, leaders can help others not only feel loved but also uplifted on their journey toward eternal joy.
In essence, loving members who struggle with gospel principles is not about lowering standards but about elevating our approach. With love as our foundation and doctrine as our guide, we can foster an environment of both acceptance and accountability, one that mirrors the Savior’s perfect balance of grace and truth.
Beth Young is a convert of 47 years; served a mission in North Carolina; has been married for 37 years to her sweetheart, Bob; has five adult children and two grandchildren. She raised her family in Texas for 25 years where she served in various capacities in church and in her community. She moved to Utah six years ago and loves writing, teaching, and inspiring others to make changes to their physical, mental, and spiritual health. Beth is the owner of 5 Pillars of Health, serves as the written content manager at Leading Saints, and is a master gardener.
