I recently read a comment from someone who was called to serve in the scouting program. He is not a fan of scouting and really wants to turn down the calling. He suggested the calling is coming more from “desperation and not inspiration”. I laughed out loud when I read such a phrase. I am sure many who are called to serve in ward/stake callings idealize the calling process. They imagine a bishopric quietly praying in an office when suddenly the room fills with light and the new sunbeam assistant teacher is manifested. In reality, sometimes a decision must be made out of desperation and the bishopric hopes inspiration catches up.
This still classifies any calling as inspired and gives no reason to turn down a calling. Leaders are inspired regardless if that inspiration comes to them through a first-vision-format or through their best decision making process.
Now you, as the eligible servant, sit in the bishop’s office waiting to receive word of how your life will be controlled by home teaching organizing, or babysitting kids during church (nursery), or by ward missionary work. You anticipate you aren’t going to like it and you prepare your quiver of excuses (all valid, I’m sure) to fire back. The invitation to serve is revealed, and you just don’t see how this will ever work.
Here’s where to go from here…
Don’t Say You’re Too Busy
If you sit in the bishop’s office and complain you can’t take on a calling because you are busy, you may see the bishop’s eye glaze over. That’s like flying to Ethiopia to tell the children you are hungry. No matter what is on your schedule the bishop (or his counselors) can probably one-up you. Being busy is no reason to avoid service. If busy is all you got, buck up and accept the calling. We are called “not according to our own works, but according to his own purpose and grace.” (2 Timothy 1:9)
Ask for 48 Hours to Think and Pray
Bishopric members realize some callings are hard to accept without deep consideration. The bishopric got a chance to sit and think about asking you to serve, so you deserve time as well. If it is something you are reluctant about, ask for 24-48 hours to ponder over the invitation and receive your own spiritual confirmation. This shows your commitment to serving to the level the calling requires.
As Elder Pinigar once said, “Now you must gain a testimony as to the divine nature of your own calling. You must come to know that you also have been called of God.” (A Holy Calling, 1997)
Request a Trial Run
So maybe the calling really does scare the socks off you–or you have done it before and had a bad experience. Express those feelings and look for a way to make it work. Every bishopric knows some callings are just not going to fit. The best course of action is requesting a trial run, or revisiting the calling 3-6 months down the road to determine if it is working out how everyone expected. Most concerns can be accommodated while still having you remain in the calling.
Just Serve
Truth be known, there is rarely a valid reason to turn down a calling. The Law of Sacrifice is alive and well in the Kingdom of God–serving in a calling is part of it. Sometimes there is a schedule conflict the bishopric didn’t know of prior or a physical limitation that makes it impossible to serve. However, those examples are very rare.
If by chance you really can’t accept a specific calling, let the bishopric member know how you CAN serve. It’s shows you are a team player and really do care about serving.
When in doubt read this talk by Elder Monte J. Brough, and then President Uchtdorf’s famous talk. If you still need some motivation to do your duty read some words by President Monson.
I have turned down a calling only once. We had just moved to a new city (husband’s military transfer) and we had been to the new ward a couple of times. A counselor called and spoke to my husband and asked to come over to issue a calling to me. I finagled the calling out of my husband and when he told me it was in the Primary I spontaneously burst into tears. We had three children under five and I had just begun to homeschool our kindergartener. I was with little children 24/7 and the thought of being with children rather than adults on Sunday put me over the edge. I felt I needed to be with some adults on Sunday to replenish my reservoir. The outcome was that my husband met with the counselor and told him and he totally understood, his wife was about the same. A couple of months later I was called into the Stake RS Presidency and served for five years, having two more children during that time and it was the perfect calling for the time and situation of my life. It was flexible and helped me grow in ways that I needed. I really loved the RS President and learned so much from her. I don’t know what would have happened if I’d accepted the Primary calling. But I’m grateful things worked out so well for our family.
I declined activity night leader calling after doing it for a while. My husband and I volunteer/ordinance at the temple on Tuesday night, family history at libraries, community service (2-3 a week) and primary teacher every week. The activity night leader was tacked on to only some primary teachers. There was not enough clarity or support for this calling to come up with and fund activities 24 months a year on top of everything else. Others called to it made weak personal excuses to bug out of it. Church leadership is not always inspired. It is made of flawed humans who take the path of least resistance, calling the same stalwart types. Sometimes you have to politely decline rather than loathe going to church and bugging out of it entirely because of the pressure.
A calling should be extended as an invitation, not a command. It is reasonable to expect some meaningful discussion before accepting a calling. Both of the following are true statements:
– We should look for and accept opportunities to serve, and formal callings are opportunities to serve.
– We must not run faster than we are able — sometimes, we may have to say no to new invitations.
Nothing in the church is done by command or compulsion or shame — we’re all brothers and sisters in the Gospel, not managers and employees. A leader invites a brother or sister to serve, and then allows that brother or sister to magnify the calling in a way that is meaningful to him or her.
Perfectly put Ji. That’s the way it should be; not stressing out the same people.
There is NEVER a reason to turn down a calling. God always inspires his leaders, and I have been taught my whole life it is a sin to tell our Heavenly Father no. Why are you weakening the gospel with this bad advice?
Thanks for your comment. I don’t believe I am weakening the gospel. Many times church callings don’t work out for reasons a church leader can’t see. That doesn’t mean they aren’t inspired; many times that is how inspiration works, getting more information and then that makes room for the inspiration.
I believe there are times when it is acceptable to turn down a calling. Growing up I received a calling to be on seminary council. At this time I was not temple worthy, nor a strong member of the church. I wasn’t even going to take seminary that year. I did not feel it would be honest or right for me to accept, so I respectfully declined.