Geoff Steurer is a licensed marriage and family therapist in private practice in St. George, Utah, with over 20 years of experience. He is the co-author of Love You, Hate the Porn: Healing a Relationship Damaged by Virtual Infidelity and the host of the weekly podcast, “From Crisis to Connection”. He has produced workbooks, audio programs, and online courses helping couples and individuals heal from the impact of sexual betrayal, unwanted pornography use, partner betrayal trauma, and rebuilding broken trust. He received a bachelors in communications studies from Brigham Young University and a masters in marriage and family therapy from Auburn University, and maintains a private counseling practice in beautiful Southern Utah. Geoff has served as a bishop, on the high council, a young men’s president, and currently serves as the gospel doctrine teacher in his ward. He’s been married for 25 years to Jody Young Steurer and they are the parents of four children.

Highlights

6:00 Why Geoff chose to talk about healthy attachment for the virtual summit because connection and attachment are within our realm of control
8:20 Making space for attachment

  • Recognizing that attachment matters
  • 10:15 Connection and individuality are not either/or; they both matter for our psychological well-being
  • The messages of individuality as the source of happiness have pushed our culture in that direction, but the research says the web of relationships is vital
  • 14:45 Adam & Eve: from the beginning we have known it is not good to be alone
  • 18:25 The tendency to send away people who are lonely: people just need to be witnessed
  • 20:40 It’s the relationship that matters. 75-80% of what affects change in therapy is the relationship between the therapist and client
  • 23:00 A leader or therapist cannot always be there. There are always people who care and can be part of their life if we get creative.
  • The Church has a built-in system to create healthy relationships and attachments that can help people feel included; it’s part of our baptismal commitment
  • 27:45 There are opportunities beyond the ministering program for us to connect with others; the surface relationships can go deeper and we are all looking for that
  • 34:30 A summary of attachment science
  • 41:25 Marriage isn’t the solution to loneliness for single adults
  • 42:20 Exercises for calling on attachments and creating connection even when alone; our system is designed to store those bonding moments
  • 48:00 Reaching out to an old friend

49:45 How to leverage attachment

  • As individuals: take the risk to connect to others
  • 55:55 In our families: children are a mix of dependency and a need to be independent; parents need to support both
    • 58:40 Children will thrive even in the messiness: just show up and support people
  • 1:00:30 In the Church: we have opportunities to connect with people who we would not otherwise be part of our lives
    • Don’t overcomplicate with organization: See people as people and connect with them
  • 1:05:25 Start by recognizing your own comfort level with connection

Links

GeoffSteurer.com
Trust Building Academy
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