Michal Neff is a convert to The Church of Jesus Christ. First in 1998, and again in 2018. He found those 20 years to be essential to his spiritual development. He is a mental health clinician in Tooele, Utah, and has run his own clinic with two other therapists since 2021.
Enter Michal…
Being a convert to The Church of Jesus Christ, I frequently find myself unsure of what is “expected” and what is “culture.”
My first real calling was as the elders quorum 1st counselor. This was a great experience, but my own doubts and insecurity of myself in doctrine prevented me from leaning into this role. So much so, I requested to be released.
The almost immediate guilt led to my regret of this decision, but it gave me time to find myself.
Not just me, but the me I knew to be created through God’s will.
Our True Self
I made a commitment to God to let this “self” be seen in any future calling. Thus, when the elders quorum president I served under was released, I was called as elders quorum president.
I immediately took inventory of where the quorum was, the brief summary provided by the previous president, and numbers provided by leadership, as any “do gooder” would do. However, it didn’t seem to tell me what to do. My initial thoughts were to carry the torch the same way as the previous leadership.
However, the high counselor that was assigned to me was a great blessing. In one of our first meetings, he told me,
“I don’t know why I feel the need to say this, but you are called by God, who knows you and what you’ll do. If you’re feeling you need to do something, then you probably should.”
I was then prompted with a few reminders.
Monkey Culture
The first reminder was of a parable of a study involving monkeys.
A scientist put four monkeys in a room, with a ladder in the center and bananas hung above the ladder. Any time the monkeys climbed the ladder, they would all be sprayed with a fire hose. Soon, they stopped spraying them, but they noticed the monkeys would beat any monkey trying to climb the ladder.
Later, they removed one monkey and put in a new one. The new one would be beaten by the others if they tried to climb the ladder until it stopped. Then, the scientist replaced another, with the same result. And another, then the last. Now, none of the monkeys knew why not to climb the ladder, but none of them did.
The Example of Simplification
My next reminder was of President Nelson’s attempt to clarify and bring us back to the basics. His changes include ministering instead of home teaching, temple videos and how much is shared with the public, clarifying roles and redistribution of things the bishops did, etc.
Second Chances
My next insight was the reminder of my commitment from my first attempt in the presidency.
My life experiences, and the places I’ve been in this earthly journey is why I was called to fill this role.
These three things led to the clarity I needed. I knew that trying to “continue what others had done” is no different than the parable of the monkeys, while understanding that what is done needs to be doctrinally sound.
Begin With the End in Mind
A few years ago, I took a leadership training course called “Becoming Your Best.” The main thing I learned from that training was to begin with the end in mind.
My presidency started with going to basics and finding what our unique “vision” was in this calling.
We began with activities, because we wanted a place for brotherhood. We wanted bonding and unity, before service.
We shifted discussions in quorum meetings to be on the wellness of the members, with a true and genuine interest in their lives. We chose not to call teachers, and to have all members as teachers. This way we heard from all of them and could seek to find the uniqueness in each person.
One of my favorite lessons was provided by a brother that walked us through a talk about seeing each person as a child of God. He put us in two rows, facing each other, and encouraged us to look into each other’s eyes with a wholehearted attempt to see them without the earthly lens we tend to.
When the awkwardness subsided, I noticed some tears in many eyes that I’m sure none of us will ever admit to or forget.
Sacred Connections
Another thing I personally enjoyed doing was giving one of the Father’s Day talks. My entire talk was mentioning brothers by name and listing either parables they reminded me of or describing Christ-like attributes in their actions over my first year in the calling.
I enjoyed watching some youth in the congregation lean on their father’s in appreciation and acknowledgement, and some of the wives tear up, in seeming joy, as their husband was named.
The “downside” of my talk, was that I couldn’t mention everyone in the time I had, and some were people I didn’t know. So, I was guided to offer a call to action at the end of the talk by inviting people to show up at activities or just reach out.
The Fruits of the Shift
Due to these things, and many other things we tried, conversations in quorum shifted to people talking about work issues, parenting issues, how to engage in Come Follow Me, doctrine issues, faith-shaking questions, and so on.
Additionally, potential members who weren’t sure about joining the Church showed up to quorum activities before attending church.
We also wanted “family” first, and a few members who moved in recently have expressed the family feel in and out of Sunday.
Challenging and Understanding the “Norm”
This is not without issue. We’ve ruffled feathers and challenged ideas. We were the new monkey, who asked, “Why not the banana?” and continued until either we changed the norm, or understood the why.
This experience has taught me a few things I’ll summarize:
- Acknowledge you! Your life has been yours. If your childhood best friend had a different tone of voice, your life would be entirely different. If you find yourself in a leadership calling, “you” are called. Your uniqueness is essential, or they’d call someone else.
- Know your role. Doing things for myself in this calling serves nobody. The movie “Bruce Almighty” explains this concept quite well. If you’re in a leadership role, you’re called to serve those people. The vision should be about them, and not about you.
- Begin with the end in mind. We aren’t done yet, but we know where we want to be. Of course, each of us should strive to be like Christ. However, our quorum’s vision is to be more like the Apostles of Christ: flawed, falling short, incapable of perfection, making mistakes, and maybe not understanding all things, but also taking initiative, trying new things, leaning on Christ, serving with true compassion, being watchful for the silent in-need, welcoming, forgiving, patient, compassionate, questioning, looking to learn, inviting, and thinking celestial. This list goes on and is much larger than the first. This end can only be achieved by leaning on each other.
- Follow Him. This statement goes a bit deeper for me. As a therapist, I know whatever we give attention becomes magnified and glorified. If I focus on my misery and sorrow and limitations, I feel more misery and sorrow. However, giving focus to where I want to be and what I can do, brings more of where I want to be. We acknowledged the misery but emphasized togetherness.
Just Do It
“Follow Him” brings emphasis on doing something good. If something is good, it’s not anti-doctrine, and brings them closer to Christ, “why not” just do it?
