Dack Van Orden lives in the Houston Texas area where he and his wife are the parents of three daughters and one bonus daughter. He has served in a variety of callings within the Church and currently serves in the High Council as the Young Men’s President.

Enter Dack…

The genesis of my message occurred as I thought about a friend of mine who was an attorney up in Dallas and a newly called seminary teacher who shared an article with me.   In the past, I have also served as a seminary teacher and when I read this article, the message rang true to my heart. However, I feel no matter what capacity you are now serving in the Church, the principles found here can be applied to all of us.

Here is his account.

“The first time I was called to teach Seminary, I was a young attorney slaving away at the Dallas office of a large law firm. I accepted the assignment with an enthusiasm that was only exceeded by my ignorance of how much time Seminary would require of me. It was important to me to do the job well, which meant hours of reading, pondering, and preparing outlines. Combined with 60-hour work weeks, commuting, and two small girls at home, I was left with about 4 hours of sleep each night. That worked out just fine for maybe a month, and then my mind and body started asserting themselves. Nothing too bad: Falling asleep in meetings. Falling asleep at lunch. Falling asleep on the freeway. No cause for alarm. A couple of months into my Church-induced sensory deprivation chamber, I was doing nothing well. My work was slipping. My lessons were a mess. People were honking at me all the time. By trying to do everything, I was accomplishing nothing, and I compounded my problems by beating myself up about it. Like many members of the Church, guilt is one of my strong suits. Around this time I was in a priesthood meeting, struggling not to nod off when a good friend shared a story that contained the best advice I’ve ever received in the Church. He recounted a time when he was given a significant calling that he felt he did not have enough time to do the “right way,” and he was feeling terrible about it. During an interview with a church leader he confessed his woeful inadequacy. “Well, how much time do you reasonably think you have each week to spend on your calling.” he was asked. My friend thought for a bit and then gave him a number. “Then, why don’t you give that amount of time and feel good about it?” Wait a second. Feel good about it? That’s not how the Church works. We magnify our callings. We seek first the Kingdom of God. We go the extra mile. We put our shoulder to the wheel, doing our duty with a heart full of song. Even our pioneer children walked, and walked and walked and walked. What kind of madness is doing what you can and feeling good about it?”

Acted Upon

Much like the experience of this young seminary teacher we live in an increasingly busy time. Often, we feel like the Chinese acrobat that has lined up spinning plates on poles each plate with its designated assignment of spouse, parent, seminary teacher, ministering brother/sister, employee, manager, and so on.

With the advancement of technology we are now constantly connected to work through emails and text messages. Smart phones have allowed us to conduct business at any time or any place. Many of us are currently or have recently been in callings that are demanding of our time, talents and energy. Outside of our callings, we serve as ministers as well as trying to have regular temple attendance, not to mention the countless sign-up sheets for various assignments to move families, set up chairs or serve in the peanut butter factory. Most importantly, our duties as wives/husbands and mothers/fathers constantly pull us in multiple directions between running children to sporting events and dance practice, combined with a weekly date night with our spouses. We begin to feel we are being acted upon and no longer acting for ourselves. There are some days that I think to myself, “there’s no way I could possibly take on another responsibility.” And in the very moment of that thought, I receive a request from a Church leader to help in some fashion.

Milestone or Millstone?

It is said that any virtue when taken to an extreme can become a vice. Overscheduling our days would certainly qualify for this. There comes a point where milestones can become millstones and ambitions, albatrosses around our necks. I have found in my own personal life that when I get too many plates spinning eventually one will fall. Quickly I refocus my attention to the fallen plate and restore it back to its whirling rod. As I continue to add more spinning plates, another one drops, and then another and another. If this process is allowed to continue, I have found in my own life that one of a few things will begin to happen. No matter the area of my life it pertains to whether it be church, family or work, the following pattern applies:

1. I begin to feel the extreme weight of guilt that comes with failure. Not only have I let myself down, but I have let those who depend on my performance down. Though they may not verbalize it, I feel their disappointment. Even worse, I feel the disappointment of my Heavenly Father. I feel as though I have let him down in addition to everyone else.
2. If the same plate falls enough times, eventually I will give up on trying to pick it back up and place it back on the pole. I begin to feel as though I have failed enough times in this area of my life that neither I nor the people who depend on my performance trust that I will successfully manage this area of my life. In some cases, I see that life goes on without the need of that plate and so I simply let it go and move on to the other plates that I must keep spinning.
3.  After coming to grips with losing one plate, I soon allow other plates in my life to drop. The impact of losing another plate becomes less and less. In the cases of my personal and church plates, I have found that Satan seems sometimes to inject something to deaden the spiritual pain while still inflicting the wound. Unless something happens soon to begin the repentance process, the wound can worsen and widen. Shame and embarrassment seem to control every action going forward.
4. Finally once enough plates have dropped, as humans we reach a stage where we start to replace fallen plates with new plates. These new plates can come in unfortunate forms such as addictions or improper relationships.

When Moses was guiding the children of Israel he too became overwhelmed with the weight of responsibility. Jethro, Moses’ father in law, gave Moses divine council when he taught,

“The thing that thou doest is not good. Thou wilt surely wear away, both thou, and this people that is with thee: for this thing is too heavy for thee.”

At some point we must make the hard decision of what matters most. We need to learn our limitations and be accepting of what we can do, and what we can’t do.

Good, Better and Best

As we study Elder Dallin H Oaks address, “Good Better Best”.

I think if any of us were asked to speak on this topic we could all give great insight. But I have found that in practice, it is quite difficult for me to decide which obligations in my life should be moved out of the “best” bucket and downgraded to the “better” or even “good” bucket. I have found that there are times in my life where I can simply give more. Likewise there are times in my life where I am at capacity and can’t take on any more good activities without compromising a best activity. Elder Christofferson recently taught us that our 100% that we can give today may not be the same as the 100% we can give tomorrow. Each of us go through times and seasons in our lives where our demands ebb and flow. I cannot tell you what is your good, better or best. Nor should I. This is an incredibly personal decision between you and the Lord. We must live in a way that the Spirit can show us what matters most.

King Benjamin taught, see that all things are done in wisdom and order, for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength. But when is your best effort really your best? As a young man growing up I played several sports. I was always extremely hard on myself, especially in a loss. I could hear my coaches ask, “Did you give it 100%? Did you leave it all out on the field?” Undoubtedly I would have to answer no. There was always a play here or a play there that I might take off. Although those plays may not have had an immediate impact to the game’s outcome, those plays would come back to haunt me. “What if I had pushed myself a little harder?” “Did I cost my team the game by not giving it my all on every play?” The self-criticism was deafening at times.

Thankfully, the Lord sees things so very differently than we do. The game of life is decided by much different guidelines and rules than the sports we play. Can you imagine a sport where the final score takes into account how badly someone wanted to play well in the game? Alma taught his son Corianton (who had dropped a few spinning plates) “that men should be judged according to their works; and if their works were good in this life, and the desires of their hearts were good, that they should also, at the last day, be restored unto that which is good. This teaches me that God will not only focus on the times I dropped a plate, but also on the fact that I wanted to be good. If all we can do right now is be better than we were yesterday, then that is a start. And that desire matters to God. He does not just see our final performance, he sees our intentions. He sees how we wanted to perform. This thought should give us hope for eventual success tomorrow even though we may stumble today.

Now if I may, a word of caution. Church programs should focus on what is best (most effective) in achieving their assigned purposes without unduly infringing on the time families need for their “divinely appointed duties.” We must invite with the spirit of discernment and encourage those we serve with to do the same when receiving and accepting callings. Along this same vein, I have found that one of the most challenging aspects of the church is that we work and serve with individuals of varying testimony levels. We must never cast judgement on those that we feel are not completing their callings or assignments to the level and attention we feel it deserves. We simply do not know all the other family and work obligations this individual has, nor do we want them to feel that they are not giving of themselves an acceptable sacrifice to the Lord.

An Acceptable Sacrifice

In closing, we need to thoughtfully allocate our resources of time, talents, and energy. I would like to let you in on a little secret. Some of you have already learned it. If you haven’t, it’s time you knew. No matter what your family needs are or your responsibilities in the Church, there is no such thing as “done.” There will always be more we can do. There is always another family matter that needs attention, another lesson to prepare, another interview to conduct, another meeting to attend.

The key, it seems to me, is to know and understand our own capabilities and limitations and then to pace ourself, allocating and prioritizing our time, our attention, and our resources to wisely help others, including our family, in their quest for eternal life.

Our duty is to determine what constitutes an acceptable sacrifice of ourselves. You will feel at some time, perhaps at many times, that we cannot do all we feel we must. The heavy weight of our responsibilities will seem too great. We will worry that we can’t spend more time with our family. We may wonder how we can find the time and the energy to meet our responsibilities beyond our family and our calling. We may feel discouragement and even guilt after we have done all we could to meet all our obligations. One of the ways we will be attacked is with the feeling that we are inadequate. We feel as though we are disappointing our Heavenly Father. Well, it is true, we are inadequate to answer a call to represent God with only our own powers. But we have access to more than your natural capacities, and we do not work alone. The Lord will magnify what we say and do in the eyes of the people we serve.

We can have the utmost assurance that our power will be multiplied many times by the Lord. All He asks is that we give our best effort and our whole heart. This is one of the greatest blessings of the Atonement. As we make every effort to do our best, the Father and His Beloved Son will send the Holy Ghost as our companion to guide us. Our efforts will be magnified in the lives of the people we serve. And when we look back on what may now seem trying times of service and sacrifice, the sacrifice will have become a blessing, and we will know that we have seen the arm of God lifting those we served for Him, and lifting us as well.

Let us remember always that the Lord praised, not criticized the widow for the two mites she gave.

Therefore, dearly beloved followers, let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for His arm to be revealed.