Stacy has over 15 years of experience in health and wellness, specializing in women’s health and postpartum care. As a certified health educator and personal trainer, she empowers women to feel stronger and more confident both physically and emotionally. In addition to coaching, Stacy also teaches at Brigham Young University. Stacy has served in Young Women, Relief Society, and Primary presidencies. She resides in Utah with her husband and three sons. You can find Stacy here.
Enter Stacy…
Years ago, a close friend shared with her extended family that her husband had been called as the bishop of their ward. Instead of solidarity and support, she was met with worried comments about how demanding a calling like that could be on the home. “I can’t believe you’re willing to do that to your family.” Their response surprised her, but the conversation has stayed with me. Over the years, as my husband and I have served in various callings, I’ve come to better understand what her family was reacting to.
There is so much goodness in church service. I truly believe that “sacrifice brings forth the blessings of heaven.” Many of us have experienced increased spiritual capacity, sacred moments with the Spirit, opportunities to serve as instruments in God’s hands, and the deep satisfaction that comes from building our communities and strengthening youth. The blessings of service reach further than we often recognize.
And yet, we also understand the realities. Leadership callings bring a heavy load—meetings, calendars, events, ministering needs, messages, follow-up, planning, and expectations. At times, it can feel like adding a part-time job to already full lives. Overwhelm can creep in quickly. This leads to an important question: Do our leadership callings unintentionally place a disproportionate burden on mothers?
Although this article speaks directly to the experience many women face when their husbands hold time-intensive leadership callings, these principles apply in reverse. In homes where a wife serves in a demanding calling—such as Relief Society president, Young Women president, Primary president, or stake-level leadership—husbands often shoulder additional responsibilities to keep the home running smoothly. The emotional, mental, and physical load can shift in either direction. While tradition and statistics show that more heavy callings are currently held by men, the impact on family systems is the same: when one spouse is stretched, the other absorbs more. Recognizing this helps us build empathy, create better support structures, and honor the sacrifices made by all who serve.
An Additional Weight
Research tells us that mothers carry about 72% of the “thinking work” in the home—often called the mental load. This includes planning ahead, tracking appointments, ordering diapers, organizing birthday parties, remembering school forms, and continually anticipating the family’s needs. In addition, mothers perform about 63% of the physical household labor as well as most of the childcare labor. This is true even in homes where the mother works full-time or is the primary earner.
These statistics do not mean men are uninvolved. In fact, father engagement is higher than in past decades. Men in the U.S., for example, now spend an average of 100 minutes per day on household tasks—up significantly from previous years. That progress matters. The concern, however, is structural: the majority of time-intensive leadership callings in the Church are held by men.
So what happens at home when a husband’s calling takes him away for multiple hours each week? Many women do their best to sustain their husband’s calling. They shoulder more at home while he is gone—managing bedtime alone, coordinating schedules, or handling household responsibilities that might otherwise be shared. Over time, this can widen existing inequities and leave mothers feeling tired, overwhelmed, or even resentful. These emotions are not a reflection of unwillingness to serve but of the very real load they carry. So what can we do—leaders, spouses, and members—to protect families and support mothers when demanding callings are extended?
Supporting Families in Demanding Callings
Below are considerations that can make a meaningful difference depending on the ward, stake, and family circumstances.
- Discuss Life Circumstances Before Extending a Calling – The General Handbook encourages leaders to consider the impact a calling may have on a member’s marriage and family. We cannot know a family’s situation without asking. Thoughtful, Spirit-led questions can help ensure that service strengthens rather than strains the home.
- Shorten the Length of Callings When Appropriate – Members should not be stretched to exhaustion. Bishops and stake presidents can rotate leaders more frequently to protect families from burnout. The Handbook suggests two to five years as a typical range—there is room for inspired flexibility.
- Check In Regularly – A simple, honest, yearly conversation with leaders can reveal stress points early and prevent burnout. Asking, “How is this calling affecting your home?” can open the door to needed adjustments.
- Call Additional Secretaries – The Handbook allows for extra secretaries in many organizations. These callings can meaningfully reduce administrative burdens.
- Assign Highly-Engaged Ministers -Train ministers to ask good questions and proactively support families—especially those with leaders who are often away. This might include offering childcare during meetings or bringing meals during busy seasons.
- Establish Regular “Family Weeks” – Some stakes hold several “family weeks” each year when meetings outside the Sunday block are paused. More frequent breaks may bless families in high-demand areas.
- Create “Do Not Disturb” Hours – The expectation to be constantly reachable can erode family time. Leaders can set healthy boundaries by designating hours when they do not respond to messages.
- Coordinate with the Compassionate Service Committee – During extra-demanding seasons—tithing declaration, youth camps, or back-to-back meetings—wards can organize temporary supports such as meals or childcare.
- Encourage a “Family Comes First” Culture – Leaders model priorities. When leadership consistently emphasizes strengthening the home first, members feel more permission to set boundaries and serve sustainably.
- Help Spouses Build Support Systems – If a calling requires significant time, include the spouse in the conversation. Ask what their concerns are and what support they might need. Brainstorm together—babysitters, carpools, extended family help, meal services, or cleaning assistance. Revisit the conversation a few months into the calling once routines settle.
- Offer Help Personally – If someone you know is supporting a spouse in a demanding calling, offer tangible help—childcare, meals, or simply companionship.
Preserve the Blessing of Service
Callings are meant to build the kingdom, not break down families. With intention, compassion, and a willingness to adjust, we can preserve the blessings of service while protecting mothers and strengthening homes. When leaders and members work together with Christlike awareness, callings become what the Savior intends—refining, uplifting, and supportive of the entire family.
