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In this episode we interview Dr. Jill Manning, a licensed marriage and family therapist, and Anne Blythe, Director of Betrayal Trauma Recovery.
Jill Manning is a PhD-level marriage and family counselor and has been practicing for 17 years. She is on two national boards, Enough is Enough and App Status. She lives in Colorado.
Anne Blythe spent seven years trying to save her marriage as her husband battled a pornography addiction. She currently coaches women online who are going through a similar situation. She has a website and hosts a podcast, Betrayal Trauma Recovery. Her website and podcast are dedicated to helping support women through this trauma.
02:26 Betrayal trauma is when someone who loves you violates your trust in a critical way. This betrayal can happen to these victims multiple times.
09:36 Anne struggled to put the pieces together in the midst of her trauma and recognize this was in an abusive relationship.
11:13 Sometimes Bishops can have a hard time helping couples through these pornography addictions as two different perspectives are shared, ”he said, she said”
12:11 For Anne going to church during this time was extremely difficult. She kept going because she knew it was right.
13:51 As a Mormon culture we are a trusting people. That can make it hard dealing with addicts who are not always honest due to shame and minimizing the situation. They can also gas light the situation and manipulate reality.
14:36 When helping in the “he said, she said” situations step back and evaluate who is motivated by what.
15:41 It can take women some time to realize they are in an abusive relationship
18:50 It can take months or years to get the full story from the addict. Help teach them that it is ok and normal to spotlight the situation.
21:52 The addict is not mentally capable of divulging everything at once.
22:13 The spouse can be the barometer for what is really happening.
24:21 Secondary Trauma is trauma that comes from asking for help and feeling dismissed.
26:19 For the victims it can help to see action being taken and the addict held accountable.
30:44 Consuming pornography is unrighteous dominion.
31:29 Emotional, spiritual, and financial, abuse is real and often linked to pornography addiction.
34:11 Studies have shown that 2/3 of people struggling with pornography addiction have been found to have a mood disorder. Those studies also show that 44 percent have a personality disorder and narcissistic traits.
34:14 Three studies have shown that 71 percent of women meet the criteria for PTSD as victims of their spouses pornography addiction.
35:29 Zoom into helping the victims with safety first. That includes being physically and spiritual safe.
37:35 Lean on Heavenly Father to help you through this and always establish emotional safety.
Resources and Links:
Steve and Kayla’s Story of Sexual Addiction and Recovery
Read the TRANSCRIPT of this podcast
I really have a hard time accepting much of what dr Jill Manning has said. Much of her conversation casually equated addicts with Anne’s husband, who was arrested for domestic violence. She refers to ‘some research done several years ago’, what research? I believe it’s very dangerous to group all ‘addicts’ as being initially untrustworthy. It goes against not only scriptural stories but stories of so many others of overnight the desire for porn is gone because of extreme vulnerability and effort for it to be overcome. I feel like many factors were proudly ignored like why an addict may have went to porn as an outlet in the first place? Maybe the betrayed spouse is emotionally abusive and finally intends to capitalize on the other spouses addiction by pointing the finger their direction. Any research or study Jill mentioned I would like to see referenced. I think is topic of conversation is of course extremely relevant and important. Anne’s story is heartbreaking. The intentions and environment of the addict’s life is ignored and assumed by Dr. Manning.
As a victim myself your comment is very hurtful. She didn’t talk about the abuser because this conversation isn’t about them. And that’s OK. Your comment is bringing me right back to the betrayl and manipulation I lived In for 20 awful years. I really really really hope someone doesn’t read it and take it seriously and heaven forbid use it as an excuse to not support the betrayed people who need you so badly!